Well.. It's been a long time since my last post, It's time to start blogging again.
So many things have changed since I blogged last. I spent a year in BSF leadership until God called me somewhere new, I started a masters degree in school administration and am now finishing it up, and most importantly, I have been able to support my husband in becoming a Youth Minister. Life is busy, but so good.
Like many people in today's world, I have always been a planner. I've always felt like I have to have a plan for everything. It comes in pretty handy at work, but when you go to planning your life... it's a totally different ballgame.
I knew at a pretty young age what I wanted to do for a living and did everything I needed to do to get it done. So naturally I assumed everything else I planned as a child would happen as long as I did what I was supposed to. (yea yea.. I know... hindsight is 20/20) I just knew for sure that I would graduate from college, get my first job right away, be married by twenty-two, have my first child by twenty-five.. yada yada yada.. If it was something that could be planned.. it was somewhere on a list with a time line and everything. Knowing me, it was probably color coded as well. As it turns out.. some of the things on my "To-do" list did actually happen when I thought they would. I did graduate from college with my music education degree.. I was married by 22 ... I didn't get a job right out of school.. but I did the next year.. so that's close enough right? Everything was seeming to go as planned.
But then guess what happened.. My plans started to grow.. I no longer had a simple outline of my life. My plan had become like a detailed graphic organizer with lines and bubbles going off in all different directions. I decided I was going to live here for this amount of time .. then we were going to move here for a while.. I was going to teach school here for this long.. move to another school .. and then when the kids were old enough.. we would move here so they could go to school there. It became insane. I felt like I always had to be on the lookout for something better. I wasn't unhappy, I just couldn't settle. After all.. that's what it's all about right? Making that money and having the finer things in life, right?
Wrong.
With the help of my amazing husband.. I got a big 'ole smack in the face. Not actually by my husband.. lol, but from one of the lessons he taught.
I was stressing out one day... trying to decide on one of the many facets of my detailed plan when he finally said. "I just think you need to be happy with where you are at in life". All of a sudden It felt as though I had been smacked upside the head and all I could say was " Well Duh!" I started to ask myself.. Why do I want to move there? Why can't I stay here? What makes me want to do this? What makes me want to do that? I really couldn't give myself an answer other then "I guess I thought I was supposed to".
You see.. today's world teaches us not to be happy or content with what we have. We can always do better.
No! You can't be happy at your job!
No! You can't be content in a small home!
No! You can't live modestly!
No! You can't wear that outfit twice!
You must try harder.. You must do better!!
You Must out do that person!
You Must You Must You Must!!!
I guess I fell victim to all of the worldly viewpoints. I always felt like I needed to be doing something better.. getting something better.. being someone better. But then .. As I listened to my husband teaching the Word of God I realized None of it matters. None of it.
It doesn't matter where I teach as long as I do it for God. It doesn't matter where I Live as long as I Live for God. It doesn't matter what I wear as long as I am honoring God. It just plain doesn't matter. I looked back at my short adult life and realized I was always trying to do something better. And I just realized it wasn't necessary.
That doesn't mean I need to become complacent and not try to do anything with my life. It just means that I need to stop focusing on MY plan and start focusing on GOD'S plan, start focusing on what GOD has in store for my life.
Some of you know that James is my absolute favorite book of the Bible.. it is also one of the most convicting books of the bible.
James 4:13-17 (NIV) says:
13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. 17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.
The Message states the ending of that verse like this "All such vaunting self-importance is evil. In fact, if you know the right thing to do and don’t do it, that, for you, is evil."
Wow! That pierced right through the heart. In fact, I still get a little sore reading it. Once I saw that, I remember thinking Whoah! Did I just totally diss God by making all those plans? Umm.. Yes...yes I did. Did I really think that I.. measly little me ...could plan out my life? I can barely plan a decent dinner.. much less the inner workings of my own life and everyone involved in it... I am exactly what it says.. A mist.. that appears for a little while and then vanishes. While my life here on earth is important to God, It is nothing compared to what I have in store and I should not treat it as though it is only my concern.
Jeremiah 29:11 states:“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
God has my life planned out... I need to leave it alone! Well.. at least drop my plans.. I need to start praying about it.. Get on my knees and really start focusing and listening for what God wants me to do. Not what I want to do.
Psalm 32:8 states: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.”
Just as it says, he is my counselor.. and he also gave me my own personal counselor in the holy spirit. As long as I listen, I will be guided. I may not like the direction I am guided in.. but tough kibble! Once again.. its not MY plan!
Proverbs 3:5-6 states: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (NIV)
I really think that about sums it up... I need to lean not on my own understanding... There are so many things I could never get.. But it's okay because I have a Holy father that does. And once I really start listening, he will start revealing some answers. I always worry about making the wrong decision in life, but if I am leaning on him, acknowledging him, and LISTENING to him.. he will make my paths straight. That's what the scripture says... and scripture doesn't lie.
Wow! Look at how long this post is! I'll leave you with one last thing.
Philippians 4:12 states:
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I have learned the secret!!! Well.. at least I am learning to learn the secret!!
I think in all of this.. I have learned not only to let go of my plans.. but to be content. I can't even tell you how freeing it is to just let go of it all. Give it all to God. All of the plans I had.. all of the questions I have.. I don't have to worry about finding my own answer. I don't have to worry about my next move in life. I just get to sit back and enjoy.... and let me tell you, being happy beats being stressed any day! I just have to give it to God and do my part to listen. He's got it under control. I'm just a passenger, not the driver.
To quote one of my favorite hymns:
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Whatever you have for me God... Whatever you want for me, I give it up to you. I'm letting go of the life I planned for me.. I'm embracing your love and doing it your way. Help me to throw away the desires of this world and focus solely on you. Help me to embrace where you have me in life and truly be content. Whatever my lot Lord, Whatever you have me go through.. It is well.. It is well with my soul.
amen
Friday, December 28, 2012
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Me??? In A Jail???
Well, As some of you saw a couple days ago, I posted about a chance to make things right with my biological father. Here is the story in a little more detail...
Last saturday night I got a phone call about 11:30 pm.. I was laying on the couch watching a movie with Eric and when I finally got off the couch and picked up the phone it had already gone to voicemail.
When I saw who it was that called I realized that it was an 1-866 number and I thought hmm... thats weird.. so I waited for the little "ding" of my voicemail and listened to see who it was.
I heard " if you accept this call press 1" and then it shut off.. I thought Oh great.. It's my dad...
Now for the back story on all this...
My dad and I have never really had a good relationship. We have led seperate lives for the majority of my life. When my mom was pregnant with me, he left her for another woman and it was all down-hill from there. When I was younger he would try to bully my mother and I around, but for the most part he did his thing, I did mine. I had some contact with him, but to be honest.. most of it was not good. My main memories of him consist of him either being drunk or being verbally abusive.
All of that past behind us.. fast forward to the last year or so.. After a very very long time of trying to please my father and trying to have a relationship with him and failing miserably.. a good friend of mine finally set me down and told me his story with his mother (which has it's resemblences) and he finally made me realize that I had to do what was right for me. I had tried and tried to be a good daughter but I couldn't do what he wouldn't let me do. So from that point on I did whatever I felt was the right thing and if he didn't accept it, or like it .. I just lived with it.
Last October while I was at the state fair with Eric and his family.. my father called me and told me that he was going to jail for racketeering. He explained that his house had been raided and it was just a matter of time before he would be put into jail. I wish I could say that I was suprised.. but I really wasn't.
My dad has been involved in things that I can't even imagine .. since before I came around.. but I never wanted to know any of it.. and he was never forth coming about it so It worked. As they say .. ignorance is bliss.
To make a long story short... I have talked to him on and off since that October evening and he told me pretty much every time we spoke that he didn't think he was going to have to do the jail time. I think it was because he was cooperating with the police on several different things, but for the most part he thought he would be fine.
Well.. fast forward to June.. I tried calling him on fathers day... no answer... I tried calling him in July on his birthday... no answer.. I tried calling him on my birthday.. no answer.. I even tried to figure out a way to get ahold of my uncle to find out if he was ok.. but his number was unlisted.. So I just kind of had to wait. I had my suspicions of whether or not he was locked up but I never really knew for sure. Periodically I would even check the court records to see if I could find something... but then again It wasn't unlike him to just not answer my phone calls so I just figured when he wanted to talk to me.. he would call.
Then Saturday night happened ... As soon as I heard the voicemail I put Eric to work trying to figure out where the call came from... we finally figured out it was an inmate calling service that was from the Oklahoma County Jail. So I did a little digging and sure enough .. there he was.. mug shot and all.. he had been booked in May.
Immediately my heart sank. I was reduced to tears... my dad's mug shot just broke my heart. He looked like a sad, lonely, old man. It makes me tear up every time I think about it. I know that he became that sad, lonely man because of his actions and the way he treated others.. but I just couldn't bare the thought of him being there for three months and not hearing from me.
That night, while looking at that picture,God touched my heart in a truely amazing way... I knew that my father and I had a sketchy past.. but to be honest, I didn't care. I dont care.. not anymore.. I see the bigger picture.
I don't care how he treated me.. I don't care all that he is done, I don't care that he is in jail or that he broke the law.. I just care that I see a lost soul with no one to guide him.
Now, as i said earlier, I can't argue with the fact that his actions got him into the mess he is in, and he knew full well that his choices would end him up in jail... but he's my father and he is just what I said.. a sad, lonely, man. But you know what? That doesn't mean that there is no hope for him.
That night I wrote out a long letter to him explaining to him how I found out about him being in jail, I explained to him that as soon as I could I would come see him. I told him how much I loved him and that I would see him soon.
Well.. Today was the day.. and I am so blessed to say it was amazing. Now.. the being pat down part was not so great, but the conversation I was able to have with my daddy was such a Godsend.
We chatted for a while about what had happened and when his court dates were and finally I asked him if he had been praying about his situation. I have never talked to my father about being a Christian in my life.. so it was a scary topic to bring up.. but it was so wonderful. I got the chance to talk to him about God's forgiveness and God's Mercy. At one point he looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me how ashamed he was. And by the Grace of God I somehow was able to look at him and say " you know what.. you don't have to be. God loves you and he doesn't care what you have done" " He will take care of you if you will just go to him and ask him for help." I explained to him that his sin was no different than mine and that his being ashamed was simply a tool satan was using to keep him from peace. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God was there giving me the words that he needed to hear.
I am still amazed typing this... I don't usually have this type of courage.. If you read my blogs regularly you will see, I have such a hard time opening up to strangers.. and to be honest, thats what my dad is.. a stranger.
But not anymore!!! I recognize this gift I have been given and I have been writing him regularly. I just wrote a letter to him to be sent out on Monday.
God is just so amazingly good. I can only pray that this relationship will continue to grow and he can have the chance to become the daddy I always wanted :)
And if thats not the case... I still know in my heart that I did all that I could to help him, to show him God's love and to try to lead him in a positive direction. It is up to him now to make the life changing choice to come to Christ.
But even if his mind hasn't been changed today (which it most likely hasn't been) I am committed to this. I'm committed to sharing God's love with him.
As I said, I am truely blessed to be on this journey with him and hope to have good news to share with you soon!
Please keep us in your prayers.
To God be the Glory, Great things he hath done!!!
Last saturday night I got a phone call about 11:30 pm.. I was laying on the couch watching a movie with Eric and when I finally got off the couch and picked up the phone it had already gone to voicemail.
When I saw who it was that called I realized that it was an 1-866 number and I thought hmm... thats weird.. so I waited for the little "ding" of my voicemail and listened to see who it was.
I heard " if you accept this call press 1" and then it shut off.. I thought Oh great.. It's my dad...
Now for the back story on all this...
My dad and I have never really had a good relationship. We have led seperate lives for the majority of my life. When my mom was pregnant with me, he left her for another woman and it was all down-hill from there. When I was younger he would try to bully my mother and I around, but for the most part he did his thing, I did mine. I had some contact with him, but to be honest.. most of it was not good. My main memories of him consist of him either being drunk or being verbally abusive.
All of that past behind us.. fast forward to the last year or so.. After a very very long time of trying to please my father and trying to have a relationship with him and failing miserably.. a good friend of mine finally set me down and told me his story with his mother (which has it's resemblences) and he finally made me realize that I had to do what was right for me. I had tried and tried to be a good daughter but I couldn't do what he wouldn't let me do. So from that point on I did whatever I felt was the right thing and if he didn't accept it, or like it .. I just lived with it.
Last October while I was at the state fair with Eric and his family.. my father called me and told me that he was going to jail for racketeering. He explained that his house had been raided and it was just a matter of time before he would be put into jail. I wish I could say that I was suprised.. but I really wasn't.
My dad has been involved in things that I can't even imagine .. since before I came around.. but I never wanted to know any of it.. and he was never forth coming about it so It worked. As they say .. ignorance is bliss.
To make a long story short... I have talked to him on and off since that October evening and he told me pretty much every time we spoke that he didn't think he was going to have to do the jail time. I think it was because he was cooperating with the police on several different things, but for the most part he thought he would be fine.
Well.. fast forward to June.. I tried calling him on fathers day... no answer... I tried calling him in July on his birthday... no answer.. I tried calling him on my birthday.. no answer.. I even tried to figure out a way to get ahold of my uncle to find out if he was ok.. but his number was unlisted.. So I just kind of had to wait. I had my suspicions of whether or not he was locked up but I never really knew for sure. Periodically I would even check the court records to see if I could find something... but then again It wasn't unlike him to just not answer my phone calls so I just figured when he wanted to talk to me.. he would call.
Then Saturday night happened ... As soon as I heard the voicemail I put Eric to work trying to figure out where the call came from... we finally figured out it was an inmate calling service that was from the Oklahoma County Jail. So I did a little digging and sure enough .. there he was.. mug shot and all.. he had been booked in May.
Immediately my heart sank. I was reduced to tears... my dad's mug shot just broke my heart. He looked like a sad, lonely, old man. It makes me tear up every time I think about it. I know that he became that sad, lonely man because of his actions and the way he treated others.. but I just couldn't bare the thought of him being there for three months and not hearing from me.
That night, while looking at that picture,God touched my heart in a truely amazing way... I knew that my father and I had a sketchy past.. but to be honest, I didn't care. I dont care.. not anymore.. I see the bigger picture.
I don't care how he treated me.. I don't care all that he is done, I don't care that he is in jail or that he broke the law.. I just care that I see a lost soul with no one to guide him.
Now, as i said earlier, I can't argue with the fact that his actions got him into the mess he is in, and he knew full well that his choices would end him up in jail... but he's my father and he is just what I said.. a sad, lonely, man. But you know what? That doesn't mean that there is no hope for him.
That night I wrote out a long letter to him explaining to him how I found out about him being in jail, I explained to him that as soon as I could I would come see him. I told him how much I loved him and that I would see him soon.
Well.. Today was the day.. and I am so blessed to say it was amazing. Now.. the being pat down part was not so great, but the conversation I was able to have with my daddy was such a Godsend.
We chatted for a while about what had happened and when his court dates were and finally I asked him if he had been praying about his situation. I have never talked to my father about being a Christian in my life.. so it was a scary topic to bring up.. but it was so wonderful. I got the chance to talk to him about God's forgiveness and God's Mercy. At one point he looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me how ashamed he was. And by the Grace of God I somehow was able to look at him and say " you know what.. you don't have to be. God loves you and he doesn't care what you have done" " He will take care of you if you will just go to him and ask him for help." I explained to him that his sin was no different than mine and that his being ashamed was simply a tool satan was using to keep him from peace. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God was there giving me the words that he needed to hear.
I am still amazed typing this... I don't usually have this type of courage.. If you read my blogs regularly you will see, I have such a hard time opening up to strangers.. and to be honest, thats what my dad is.. a stranger.
But not anymore!!! I recognize this gift I have been given and I have been writing him regularly. I just wrote a letter to him to be sent out on Monday.
God is just so amazingly good. I can only pray that this relationship will continue to grow and he can have the chance to become the daddy I always wanted :)
And if thats not the case... I still know in my heart that I did all that I could to help him, to show him God's love and to try to lead him in a positive direction. It is up to him now to make the life changing choice to come to Christ.
But even if his mind hasn't been changed today (which it most likely hasn't been) I am committed to this. I'm committed to sharing God's love with him.
As I said, I am truely blessed to be on this journey with him and hope to have good news to share with you soon!
Please keep us in your prayers.
To God be the Glory, Great things he hath done!!!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Out Live Your Life -- Max Lucado
So as I stated in my previous blog. I made the goal to read at least five books this summer.
Why??
Because in the last meeting I had with the BSF leaders, our teacher challenged us to read as much as possible, to stay in The Word and learn as much as we could.
Sooooo.... that brings me to my first book :)
Why??
Because in the last meeting I had with the BSF leaders, our teacher challenged us to read as much as possible, to stay in The Word and learn as much as we could.
Sooooo.... that brings me to my first book :)
"Out live your life" by Max Lucado....
This is actually a book I am reading for a summer bible study that I am doing with the Church Eric and I are looking to join. I have to say that it is an awesome read. very humbling and very very convicting.
So... what is it about you ask??? LET ME TELL YOU!!!!!!! : ) : )
Basically... it is a call to action... to get your booty out there and do something with yourself. Get your mind off of you and all of the material things you have and Do the work that God has called you to do. (my words, not his)
The back of the book reads:
These are devastating times: 1.75 billion people are desperately poor; one billion are hungry. Lonely hearts indwell our neighborhood and attend our schools. In the midst of it all, here we stand: you, me and our one-of-a-kind lives. We are given a choice... an opportunity to make a big difference during a difficult time. What if we did? What if we rocked the world with hope? Worth a try don't you think?
The book talks about the charter members of the Jerusalem church. It tells of the ordinary people that do amazing things for the Kingdom of God. Starting in the first chapter and continuing on through the rest of the book, Max uses scripture to show examples of everything he is going to challenge us to do.
He also fills us in on all the statistics of poverty, hunger, disease, even slavery and sex trade issues. He calls your attention to the problems and even quotes scripture to prove to you that it is our job as Christians to help.
Throughout the book he gives examples of people answering their call and doing God's work, Showing the Love of God to those who need it. One of the many things I loved about this book is that he does not shove one particular thing down your throat. There is no " Do this or your going to Hell" type thing... He is very clear that you should only do what you are called to do.
Yes.. that's right.. I didn't say what you are COMFORTABLE doing.. but what you are CALLED to do. Sometimes those are the same things, but more often than not ( at least in my experience) they are waaaaay different.
Yes.. that's right.. I didn't say what you are COMFORTABLE doing.. but what you are CALLED to do. Sometimes those are the same things, but more often than not ( at least in my experience) they are waaaaay different.
The third chapter of the book talks about letting God "unshell" you. Letting him make you aware of what is going on around you. A lot of times we don't want to see what is going on and choose to look the other way.
My favorite part of this chapter reads:
With whom do you feel most fluent? Teenagers? Drug addicts? The elderly? You may be tongue
tied around children but eloquent with executives. This is how God designed you. " God has given
us different gifts for doing certain things well" (Romans 12:6 NLT)
It goes on to say that God doesn't burden us equally. He pulls each of us to a certain thing. That was really big for me. I was like whoah! It's OK that I'm not comfortable around a group of high school seniors... It's OK if I'm not myself right away in a group of women. God has fashioned me exactly how he wants me... I believe my gift is with Children. I've mentioned before that I can be goofy, silly, fun, happy.... really just completely comfortable in front of my kiddo's at school ( my little ones at least ) ... but put me in a group of people my own age and I'll shut down and if I'm lucky I'll get out three words.
But you know what... that's okay!! I'm working on getting myself to trust easier and talk more in front of strangers.. but the point is.. I don't need to feel bad for the way I am. I am a child of God and he created me the way I am. I am trying to change because I want to. Not because I feel I have to.
In chapter eleven .. Max speaks about not doing something just so everyone can see it. It tells the story of a couple in the bible that decide to donate land to the Church so that everyone will know they are doing it... It's kind of like writing the tithe check and purposefully holding it so others can see how much you are putting in the offering plate.
We don't need to help others for what we get out of it... we don't need to publicize it. We should do it because we care and because it is the right thing to do. We need to be humble.
This section says:
The greatest example of this humility is none other than Jesus Christ.Who had more reason to boast than he? Yet he never did. He walked on water but never strutted on the beach. He turned a basket into a buffet but never demanded applause.
I have to admit that the idea of Jesus strutting on the beach made me laugh out loud.. but you get the point. a few sentences later he says.. Jesus didn't do these things so How dare we?
That is so incredibly right. How dare we?
How dare we turn this into something about us?
hmmmm???
get my point? That taught me a lot that little section... like I said earlier very convicting... but trust me it gets worse...
Chapter twelve talks about blasting walls down. We have these Pre-conceived notions about people.. about people of a lower class.. people of a different race... maybe even people that work at a certain place.. or live on the "wrong side of the street"
It talks about letting go of it all. Forget your previous thoughts and give everyone a chance. We don't know what they are going through.. we don't know what they have been through in the past. It is not our job to judge them or call them inferior.
At the end of every chapter he writes a verse of scripture and accompanies it with a prayer. This prayer, as my BSF leader would say, made me have to put my big girl panties on... God was talking to ME in that chapter.
Lord, in how many ways does my foolish heart make false distinctions among your people?
Reveal them to me. How often do i judge someone as unworthy of you by the way I treat
him or her? Rebuke me in your love. Where can I blast a wall or remove a barrier that keeps your children apart
from one another? Give me some dynamite and the skill and courage to use it for your glory. What
can I do in my sphere of influence to bring the love of Christ to someone who may feel ostracized or
estranged from you? Lend me divine insight and bless me with the resolve to be your hands and feet.
May I be a bridge and not a wall. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
phew... just typing it makes me feel about the size of a lady bug.
a couple chapters later he talks about not writing anyone off and staying off of your "high horse" and then comes another one of those convicting prayers.....
Father, you have used all types of people for your holy purposes: prostitutes, murderers, persecutors, liars, thieves, swindlers,the illiterate, the ignorant, the blind, and the lame. Grant me the grace to treat everyone I meet as someone for whom Jesus died and rose again. Let there be no unwholesome or unholy distinctions in my eyes and no unworthy favoritism in my actions. Rather, make me into a vessel through whom Jesus Shines. In Christ's name I pray, amen.
Well.. If I felt the size of a ladybug before I guess I'm down to the size of a flea now..
The last short paragraph of the last chapter says:
None of us can help everyone. But all of us can help someone. And when we help them, we serve Jesus.
That last part pretty much sums the whole book up. We can all do SOMETHING. Don't have extra money, who cares ... volunteer somewhere.. just do something ...
I have to say that I truly enjoyed this book and learned a lot from its teaching.
After the 16th chapter there is a Discussion and Action Guide. It is GREAT!! It gives you practical ways to put what you just read into motion.
For me, this book showed me that I have been so selfish in my life. So many times I just think about me. No.. I don't want to go do that I'm tired... No.. i don't want to volunteer for that, what if they want me to do it again...
I look at how materialistic the world is and I realize.. Jennifer.. you are right there with them. You have Five perfectly good purses in your closet and you are salivating over the new perfect pink Fossil you saw in the store the other day... $80 bucks on a purse... Do you realize that through organizations like www.worldvision.org you could do a micro-loan for less than that and provide a farmer in Peru with materials to start their own business. AND YOU GET THE MONEY BACK ONCE THEY EARN IT!! It's like Hello!!!! I want to slap myself in the face and say DUH!!!
I am so blessed and It's time that I start doing MY part to help. I really don't know exactly what I want to do yet, but I think Eric and I are going to start by sponsoring a child through www.worldvision.org. or www.compassion.com I'm not sure which we will use yet, we have to do a little more research into them. But for $35 dollars a month... Less than the price of a fancy meal... we can significantly change the life of a child somewhere in the world. $35 dollars??? I can do that.. I can cook at home instead of going out...
For me, this book showed me that I have been so selfish in my life. So many times I just think about me. No.. I don't want to go do that I'm tired... No.. i don't want to volunteer for that, what if they want me to do it again...
I look at how materialistic the world is and I realize.. Jennifer.. you are right there with them. You have Five perfectly good purses in your closet and you are salivating over the new perfect pink Fossil you saw in the store the other day... $80 bucks on a purse... Do you realize that through organizations like www.worldvision.org you could do a micro-loan for less than that and provide a farmer in Peru with materials to start their own business. AND YOU GET THE MONEY BACK ONCE THEY EARN IT!! It's like Hello!!!! I want to slap myself in the face and say DUH!!!
I am so blessed and It's time that I start doing MY part to help. I really don't know exactly what I want to do yet, but I think Eric and I are going to start by sponsoring a child through www.worldvision.org. or www.compassion.com I'm not sure which we will use yet, we have to do a little more research into them. But for $35 dollars a month... Less than the price of a fancy meal... we can significantly change the life of a child somewhere in the world. $35 dollars??? I can do that.. I can cook at home instead of going out...
I think the biggest thing I learned from this is Anyone can do the work of God.. not just "Special" people..
We are all called to do something more with our life... Life is so not just about us..
:)
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Summer Goals!!
Well.. Summer is here.. I'm about two weeks in... and I find myself making goals for the duration of time that I am off work. If you are reading this than you are most likely friends with me on facebook and know that I had a really hard time deciding whether or not to work this summer.
I didn't have to work.. being a teacher I still get paid during the summer.. but I thought well.. since we don't have kids yet and I want them sometime in the near future.. I should work while I can and get a little $$ saved up. Because I know without a doubt I will not want to work during the summer when little ones are around.
Well, plans were all a go and I even had a job interview to do a summer teaching job at a daycare I used to work at taking care of the School age program. I knew I was going to get it by the sounds of the Directors phone calls... so I really didn't worry too much.
Well... I was visiting with my grandmother one day at the Nursing home and It all of a sudden hit me like a ton of bricks that I wouldn't get to spend much time with her during the summer. The School program job was from 9-6 so I wouldn't get to see her but in the evenings and on weekends. The thought absolutely made me want to cry. I did tear up once I got out to the truck... Poor Eric was thrown for a loop.. "What's wrong Jenn" He was completely surprised considering we had just come from a really good visit (Which doesn't always happen with her, Dementia is an evil illness)
So there I was blubbering in the front seat sitting outside the nursing home explaining to Eric that I didn't know if I wanted to work this summer. I wish I could have taken a picture of his face. His only comment was "Well then don't work"
It was never his idea for me to work this summer, I came up with it on my own. I wanted to get a little extra $. I wanted to pay off a couple bills. I wanted to put some money in savings. He didn't seem to mind that I didn't want to work. His outlook was that he wouldn't want to work if he had the option... so that was that.
Well.. not so much for me it wasn't. I struggled and struggled whether to work or not to work for about two weeks. I just remember laying on the bed praying for God to show me what to do. Because I honestly had no idea.
Well, I have a wonderful Godly Woman that I work with named Trish... I went to her one afternoon and just told her everything. I said Trish.. I just don't know what to do... So being the wonderful wise woman she is she sat with me and weighed the pros and con's. Finally she put it in simple terms for me. She said "Jennifer... what are you going to regret more... not spending time with your grandmother ... or not earning a little extra money"... When put like that there was no comparison... I know that I probably don't have all the time in the world left with my grandmother.. with anyone for that matter. So there was my answer. I'm not going to work.. I was so happy! I went home and told Eric.. "Eric... Guess what!!!?!?! I'm not going to work this summer!! "He was like " I thought we already decided that" lol I explained everything to him that I was feeling and he agreed whole heartedly... so now here I am... a little under two months from having to go back to school and trying to figure out what to do with myself.
Once I realized that I wasn't going to work, I started asking God right away to help me better myself over the Summer. There had to be a reason he didn't want me to work... so I'm going to do all I can to serve him and better myself.
So my summer goals emerged.
Goal # 1: Read at least five books
Goal # 2: Find some way to help others
Goal # 3: Go spend time with my grandmother as much as possible
Goal # 4: Get my house in order and keep it that way
and last but not least
Goal # 5: Learn to cook
lol.. If you know me, you know I HATE to cook.. absolutely hate it. If I didn't have to eat to survive i wouldn't.. This has been hard for the husband because he comes from a long line of amazing cooks.... cooks that make everything home made cooks..
I remember a year or so into our marriage he was like.. "You know... I really thought you would start liking to cook by this point in our marriage" my response was " yea, me too.." but I hadn't lol...
Well anyway.. I'm well on my way to achieving my goals.
Last week I made two home cooked meals :) which were pretty tasty if I don't mind saying so myself..
I spent several hours with my grandmother.. not as many as I would have hoped... but Mine and Eric's brother came home from the Marines last week.. and we were busy doing a lot of family things with them. I still have a little more work to do on that.
I'm finding ways to help others... I have a few ideas that I will be checking on this week. I hope to do some volunteering with meals on wheels... and a few other things that I'm looking into.
I have our house semi-clean... as clean as it can be coming off of remodeling a room. I still have some things to put away that got tousled around in all the hoopla.
And the thing I'm most excited about!!!!! ............
I have already read Two books!!!
I'm so excited!! I have several more that I want to read that I am ordering off of amazon.com.
I will be posting about the books in just a few days. I really want to share with you some of the things I have learned from them.
Oh!! And I can't forget... God has been so amazing and revealed himself to me so many times in just this last few weeks. I got a call the other day from the daycare I was telling you about wanting me to do some sub-work for them. I was pretty Leary at first, because I was afraid they would put me with the babies, and as much as I want one of my own.. it scares me to death to think of taking care of someone Else's... I don't think I have ever changed a diaper before... so I knew that that was not going to be a good idea.
But I'm getting to sub with 3-4 year olds and only just for a few days this summer... so it works out great!! I'm getting to do everything I want this summer without being tied down to a job, but I'm still getting to earn just a little bit of mad money.
I caught myself talking to my mother-in-law the other day about my goals and how excited I was that I am well on my way to reaching them.. and how proud of myself that I was... and then... It hit me...
This is not me.. This is God... He is the one that gets the credit. Not me.. he is the one providing all of these opportunities for me. Yes I have a say in it, but ultimately It's all God.
Can't wait to get my blogs up about the books I read!!
If you are reading this.. and have made it this far ( sorry it's so long) help me out by holding me accountable to my goals..
If your friends with me on Facebook... shoot me a message... if you see me in person.. bring it up in conversation.. I need accountability.
I'm so excited about the things God is doing in my life right now!!
To God be the Glory!!
= )
I didn't have to work.. being a teacher I still get paid during the summer.. but I thought well.. since we don't have kids yet and I want them sometime in the near future.. I should work while I can and get a little $$ saved up. Because I know without a doubt I will not want to work during the summer when little ones are around.
Well, plans were all a go and I even had a job interview to do a summer teaching job at a daycare I used to work at taking care of the School age program. I knew I was going to get it by the sounds of the Directors phone calls... so I really didn't worry too much.
Well... I was visiting with my grandmother one day at the Nursing home and It all of a sudden hit me like a ton of bricks that I wouldn't get to spend much time with her during the summer. The School program job was from 9-6 so I wouldn't get to see her but in the evenings and on weekends. The thought absolutely made me want to cry. I did tear up once I got out to the truck... Poor Eric was thrown for a loop.. "What's wrong Jenn" He was completely surprised considering we had just come from a really good visit (Which doesn't always happen with her, Dementia is an evil illness)
So there I was blubbering in the front seat sitting outside the nursing home explaining to Eric that I didn't know if I wanted to work this summer. I wish I could have taken a picture of his face. His only comment was "Well then don't work"
It was never his idea for me to work this summer, I came up with it on my own. I wanted to get a little extra $. I wanted to pay off a couple bills. I wanted to put some money in savings. He didn't seem to mind that I didn't want to work. His outlook was that he wouldn't want to work if he had the option... so that was that.
Well.. not so much for me it wasn't. I struggled and struggled whether to work or not to work for about two weeks. I just remember laying on the bed praying for God to show me what to do. Because I honestly had no idea.
Well, I have a wonderful Godly Woman that I work with named Trish... I went to her one afternoon and just told her everything. I said Trish.. I just don't know what to do... So being the wonderful wise woman she is she sat with me and weighed the pros and con's. Finally she put it in simple terms for me. She said "Jennifer... what are you going to regret more... not spending time with your grandmother ... or not earning a little extra money"... When put like that there was no comparison... I know that I probably don't have all the time in the world left with my grandmother.. with anyone for that matter. So there was my answer. I'm not going to work.. I was so happy! I went home and told Eric.. "Eric... Guess what!!!?!?! I'm not going to work this summer!! "He was like " I thought we already decided that" lol I explained everything to him that I was feeling and he agreed whole heartedly... so now here I am... a little under two months from having to go back to school and trying to figure out what to do with myself.
Once I realized that I wasn't going to work, I started asking God right away to help me better myself over the Summer. There had to be a reason he didn't want me to work... so I'm going to do all I can to serve him and better myself.
So my summer goals emerged.
Goal # 1: Read at least five books
Goal # 2: Find some way to help others
Goal # 3: Go spend time with my grandmother as much as possible
Goal # 4: Get my house in order and keep it that way
and last but not least
Goal # 5: Learn to cook
lol.. If you know me, you know I HATE to cook.. absolutely hate it. If I didn't have to eat to survive i wouldn't.. This has been hard for the husband because he comes from a long line of amazing cooks.... cooks that make everything home made cooks..
I remember a year or so into our marriage he was like.. "You know... I really thought you would start liking to cook by this point in our marriage" my response was " yea, me too.." but I hadn't lol...
Well anyway.. I'm well on my way to achieving my goals.
Last week I made two home cooked meals :) which were pretty tasty if I don't mind saying so myself..
I spent several hours with my grandmother.. not as many as I would have hoped... but Mine and Eric's brother came home from the Marines last week.. and we were busy doing a lot of family things with them. I still have a little more work to do on that.
I'm finding ways to help others... I have a few ideas that I will be checking on this week. I hope to do some volunteering with meals on wheels... and a few other things that I'm looking into.
I have our house semi-clean... as clean as it can be coming off of remodeling a room. I still have some things to put away that got tousled around in all the hoopla.
And the thing I'm most excited about!!!!! ............
I have already read Two books!!!
I'm so excited!! I have several more that I want to read that I am ordering off of amazon.com.
I will be posting about the books in just a few days. I really want to share with you some of the things I have learned from them.
Oh!! And I can't forget... God has been so amazing and revealed himself to me so many times in just this last few weeks. I got a call the other day from the daycare I was telling you about wanting me to do some sub-work for them. I was pretty Leary at first, because I was afraid they would put me with the babies, and as much as I want one of my own.. it scares me to death to think of taking care of someone Else's... I don't think I have ever changed a diaper before... so I knew that that was not going to be a good idea.
But I'm getting to sub with 3-4 year olds and only just for a few days this summer... so it works out great!! I'm getting to do everything I want this summer without being tied down to a job, but I'm still getting to earn just a little bit of mad money.
I caught myself talking to my mother-in-law the other day about my goals and how excited I was that I am well on my way to reaching them.. and how proud of myself that I was... and then... It hit me...
This is not me.. This is God... He is the one that gets the credit. Not me.. he is the one providing all of these opportunities for me. Yes I have a say in it, but ultimately It's all God.
Can't wait to get my blogs up about the books I read!!
If you are reading this.. and have made it this far ( sorry it's so long) help me out by holding me accountable to my goals..
If your friends with me on Facebook... shoot me a message... if you see me in person.. bring it up in conversation.. I need accountability.
I'm so excited about the things God is doing in my life right now!!
To God be the Glory!!
= )
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Just when you think you are settled....
Well, it has been forever since I posted a blog. I'm not super happy about that but I guess it is what it is. Life has been pulling me in a bazillion and one different directions. I think my last post was just before spring break in March and that's when all the craziness hit.
At that point my mother had been in the hospital for approximately three weeks with staph infection and the decision was made to put my grandmother into a nursing home. It was not a good experience to say the least. I have always been very close to my grandmother so seeing her disease (dementia) take her mind away from her has really been hard. But, with my mother in the hospital and no one else able to take care of her 24/7 it was an absolute must.
To make a long story short I spent all of Spring Break (And Thank-You Lord that I had the time off to do it!!) looking for , finding, packing-up, and moving my grandmother into a Care facility that is approximately ten minutes from my house. Thankfully I was not the only one in the decision making process. Eric and my step-sister were there every step of the way doing just as much as I was.
All in all it went very well. My grandmother actually signed herself in, Which was a total God thing and she has been living there for over a month now. It is definitely not without it's difficulties. It is very common for Eric and I to get off work and have no less than 8 messages each from nannie asking us to come get her and take her home.She just doesn't understand that she can't take care of herself. For the most part it is very easy to redirect her requests, we can just ask her about her day or if she played Bingo that week... but here lately she has had some medical issues that are causing her to be very stubborn and argumentative.
But... the bottom line is she is safe. She is well taken care of.. getting everything she needs. She has someone to make sure she is taking her meds... she has someone to make sure she is getting bathed. And as much as it hurts every time she calls and tells me that if I loved her I would go pick her up.... I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is where she needs to be and that I am doing the right thing. God has given me a Peace about it.
So why am I sharing this?? Well... just as I always have strived to do in my blogs... I would like to share with you all that God has taught me in this crazy wild stressful time of life.
PATIENCE!!!!, NOT TO WORRY, COMPLETE AND TOTAL TRUST.... My list could go on and on... Our BSF leader once told us that you have to be actively listening and looking for God's lessons in Life and boy was I. I can honestly say that this was the most stressful point in my life that I can remember. I am normally a very laid back person... as far as stress goes... with God's help I can usually take things and let them roll of my back. I have always pictured myself tying my problems up with a little string and attaching them to a balloon and sending them up for God to take care of. But, during this time I had so much on my plate I didn't really know what to do... other than Pray. I had my mother in the hospital... which meant at least one weekly visit to her usually two or three... my grandmother getting ready to go to the nursing home... and if any of you are familiar with dementia... it can turn your loved ones into a very mean person.. and at that time she was... I was dealing with that.... I had lots of stress at work... a crazy schedule... one musical I finished the week before spring break and I had two within the next month... It really felt like things were just adding and adding and adding.... I needed to be able to take care of things for my mother.... for my grandmother.... take care of things for Eric.... for school.... have a clean house..... get groceries.... feed the dogs....figure out dinner... It just seemed like everything around me was pulling me in a million directions. I couldn't please everyone... I couldn't physically do everything that was expected of me.
Geez... It makes my head hurt just thinking about all of it. For the first time in my life I think I had a nervous breakdown. I was taking care of some things for nannie when my father called me with more things for me to do... and I just shut down. Without any notice.. I feel like I just lost it. I was mean to my dad.. mean to my mother... mean to my sister... grouchy with Eric.... Oh.. Eric... he's another story... he deserves a metal just for living with me during that time, he was so incredibly patient with me... And for someone that isn't normally mean or doesn't lose it very often... I got a lot of flack for "losing it" or for having a "breakdown" and that caused even more anger.... I remember thinking.. "geez, I'm human too!! I have emotions just like you... You can get stressed, but I can't?? "... I had too many things going on at once... plain and simple... and as wrong as It was I shut down. I stopped what I was doing and had to take some time for me. I did what I felt like I could do and was forced to tell some people that they were going to have to do it themselves. I couldn't do it all. I remember on this particular day I just stopped what I was doing and went and sat down.. I wasn't even capable of thinking things through.. I just remember having a song go through my head...over and over and over... I wasn't even thinking complete thoughts... just singing a song in my head... making rhythms with my teeth... i wasn't really capable of much else at that moment... I remember feeling the emptiness wash over me... I had gotten where God wanted me to be. I was finally moldable....
(Now is where you would see my hanging my head low )....... Am I proud of my actions? No... I knew right away that I had been wrong. I ended up calling everyone I was mean to that day and apologizing within a few hours.....
Looking back I can see all the lessons that God taught me through this rough time.
Throughout it all I was praying... I didn't really feel like my relationship with God wasn't where it was supposed to be... I was relying on him to get me through... He was the only reason I made it that long without losing it. But .. when I did finally have my melt down... it taught me that yes I am relying on God, but I hadn't truly given him complete control of my life. I was letting him have control over what I wanted him to have control over... i was pretty much saying .. "ok God... you can take care of all of this.. but I'm going to go ahead and be in charge of this stuff over here" .... umm... no Jennifer... that's not how it works..... I wasn't truly giving God the keys and letting him drive..
I remember being in middle school and going to Claire's and them having the funny little cards that you would keep in your wallet. I had one that said "Back seat driver" and I feel like that would be appropriate for me to have again. I was trying to take on all of those things that were expected of me. I was telling myself that i was relying on God, but the fact of the matter is... I was trying to do too much of it on my own. Christ puts us through a process of Sanctification.. a process of becoming more like him... and even though I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.. I was praying... I was relying on him... I was doing what I thought was right.... God amped it up a little... he said ok Jennifer.. you think you are where you need to be... think again sweetheart... here is your little situation.. lets see you get through this the way you are... I can picture him holding his arms out to me saying "choose me...pick me... I am the one that is going to get you through this... I know it is going to be rough.. but this is going to make you closer to me in the end... it will all be ok... I Love you Jennifer... You are my daughter... This is all for you.. " It really makes me want to cry just typing it.
Fast forward a month.. and here I am.. I have been trying to write a blog about this for weeks... and as soon as I give up and decide to write about something else.. here it is.. It just morphed into an account of the last month. I don't know if any of this really makes any sense or not. I really feel like I am rambling ... but hopefully it does.
I feel like I have come out of this whole ordeal a better person... It has definitely made me aware that I am trying to take control of my life myself.. and that even though I think I am where I am supposed to be.. there is always room to grow... always a way to get closer to God..
Always a way to be more like Christ.... Always a way to be better... Never a reason to settle......
At that point my mother had been in the hospital for approximately three weeks with staph infection and the decision was made to put my grandmother into a nursing home. It was not a good experience to say the least. I have always been very close to my grandmother so seeing her disease (dementia) take her mind away from her has really been hard. But, with my mother in the hospital and no one else able to take care of her 24/7 it was an absolute must.
To make a long story short I spent all of Spring Break (And Thank-You Lord that I had the time off to do it!!) looking for , finding, packing-up, and moving my grandmother into a Care facility that is approximately ten minutes from my house. Thankfully I was not the only one in the decision making process. Eric and my step-sister were there every step of the way doing just as much as I was.
All in all it went very well. My grandmother actually signed herself in, Which was a total God thing and she has been living there for over a month now. It is definitely not without it's difficulties. It is very common for Eric and I to get off work and have no less than 8 messages each from nannie asking us to come get her and take her home.She just doesn't understand that she can't take care of herself. For the most part it is very easy to redirect her requests, we can just ask her about her day or if she played Bingo that week... but here lately she has had some medical issues that are causing her to be very stubborn and argumentative.
But... the bottom line is she is safe. She is well taken care of.. getting everything she needs. She has someone to make sure she is taking her meds... she has someone to make sure she is getting bathed. And as much as it hurts every time she calls and tells me that if I loved her I would go pick her up.... I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is where she needs to be and that I am doing the right thing. God has given me a Peace about it.
So why am I sharing this?? Well... just as I always have strived to do in my blogs... I would like to share with you all that God has taught me in this crazy wild stressful time of life.
PATIENCE!!!!, NOT TO WORRY, COMPLETE AND TOTAL TRUST.... My list could go on and on... Our BSF leader once told us that you have to be actively listening and looking for God's lessons in Life and boy was I. I can honestly say that this was the most stressful point in my life that I can remember. I am normally a very laid back person... as far as stress goes... with God's help I can usually take things and let them roll of my back. I have always pictured myself tying my problems up with a little string and attaching them to a balloon and sending them up for God to take care of. But, during this time I had so much on my plate I didn't really know what to do... other than Pray. I had my mother in the hospital... which meant at least one weekly visit to her usually two or three... my grandmother getting ready to go to the nursing home... and if any of you are familiar with dementia... it can turn your loved ones into a very mean person.. and at that time she was... I was dealing with that.... I had lots of stress at work... a crazy schedule... one musical I finished the week before spring break and I had two within the next month... It really felt like things were just adding and adding and adding.... I needed to be able to take care of things for my mother.... for my grandmother.... take care of things for Eric.... for school.... have a clean house..... get groceries.... feed the dogs....figure out dinner... It just seemed like everything around me was pulling me in a million directions. I couldn't please everyone... I couldn't physically do everything that was expected of me.
Geez... It makes my head hurt just thinking about all of it. For the first time in my life I think I had a nervous breakdown. I was taking care of some things for nannie when my father called me with more things for me to do... and I just shut down. Without any notice.. I feel like I just lost it. I was mean to my dad.. mean to my mother... mean to my sister... grouchy with Eric.... Oh.. Eric... he's another story... he deserves a metal just for living with me during that time, he was so incredibly patient with me... And for someone that isn't normally mean or doesn't lose it very often... I got a lot of flack for "losing it" or for having a "breakdown" and that caused even more anger.... I remember thinking.. "geez, I'm human too!! I have emotions just like you... You can get stressed, but I can't?? "... I had too many things going on at once... plain and simple... and as wrong as It was I shut down. I stopped what I was doing and had to take some time for me. I did what I felt like I could do and was forced to tell some people that they were going to have to do it themselves. I couldn't do it all. I remember on this particular day I just stopped what I was doing and went and sat down.. I wasn't even capable of thinking things through.. I just remember having a song go through my head...over and over and over... I wasn't even thinking complete thoughts... just singing a song in my head... making rhythms with my teeth... i wasn't really capable of much else at that moment... I remember feeling the emptiness wash over me... I had gotten where God wanted me to be. I was finally moldable....
(Now is where you would see my hanging my head low )....... Am I proud of my actions? No... I knew right away that I had been wrong. I ended up calling everyone I was mean to that day and apologizing within a few hours.....
Looking back I can see all the lessons that God taught me through this rough time.
Throughout it all I was praying... I didn't really feel like my relationship with God wasn't where it was supposed to be... I was relying on him to get me through... He was the only reason I made it that long without losing it. But .. when I did finally have my melt down... it taught me that yes I am relying on God, but I hadn't truly given him complete control of my life. I was letting him have control over what I wanted him to have control over... i was pretty much saying .. "ok God... you can take care of all of this.. but I'm going to go ahead and be in charge of this stuff over here" .... umm... no Jennifer... that's not how it works..... I wasn't truly giving God the keys and letting him drive..
I remember being in middle school and going to Claire's and them having the funny little cards that you would keep in your wallet. I had one that said "Back seat driver" and I feel like that would be appropriate for me to have again. I was trying to take on all of those things that were expected of me. I was telling myself that i was relying on God, but the fact of the matter is... I was trying to do too much of it on my own. Christ puts us through a process of Sanctification.. a process of becoming more like him... and even though I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.. I was praying... I was relying on him... I was doing what I thought was right.... God amped it up a little... he said ok Jennifer.. you think you are where you need to be... think again sweetheart... here is your little situation.. lets see you get through this the way you are... I can picture him holding his arms out to me saying "choose me...pick me... I am the one that is going to get you through this... I know it is going to be rough.. but this is going to make you closer to me in the end... it will all be ok... I Love you Jennifer... You are my daughter... This is all for you.. " It really makes me want to cry just typing it.
Fast forward a month.. and here I am.. I have been trying to write a blog about this for weeks... and as soon as I give up and decide to write about something else.. here it is.. It just morphed into an account of the last month. I don't know if any of this really makes any sense or not. I really feel like I am rambling ... but hopefully it does.
I feel like I have come out of this whole ordeal a better person... It has definitely made me aware that I am trying to take control of my life myself.. and that even though I think I am where I am supposed to be.. there is always room to grow... always a way to get closer to God..
Always a way to be more like Christ.... Always a way to be better... Never a reason to settle......
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Sitting Out Twice
So the other day in school, the 2nd grade was having a 50's Sock hop for their AR Party. An "AR Party" is what the kids get to go to if they get enough points for reading their books that six weeks. They read books and take quizzes over them. For every right answer on a quiz they get like a half a point and they work toward a different goal every six weeks.
Anyway...... The second grade was using the Gym for their Sock Hop so we (all the rotation teachers) took the kids outside on to the playground. The kids loved having the extra time outside.
Well, the only problem was that the kiddo's all wanted to stand by the Gym door and watch the Second grade party. We would have to shoo them away from the door about every fifteen minutes.
Well.. I sat down on the bench around the corner and was chatting with the computer teacher when two little girls ran up and told me one of the other little boys in the class opened the door to the gym to watch the party.
Of course that was a big no no so I asked the girls to have the little boy come over so I could chat with him. Now I'm going to call this little fella "R" ..
When "R" got up to me I politely asked him...
"R" did you open the door to the gym to watch the second grade party?"
"No, I didn't I promise"
"Are you sure you didn't open the door? "
" I Didn't open the door!!"
"Well, here's my problem.. I have some witnesses that said that you opened the door, why would they tell me that if you didn't really do it"
" I don't know... I'm telling the truth I didn't do it"
Well, I knew that he had done it b/c "R" is a great kid... but he likes to push his luck ....A LOT! lol
So I told him that even if he did it, he would get in a lot less trouble if he told me the truth than if he lied.
He continued to plead his innocence so I told him
"Why don't you have a seat and think about whether or not you are telling me the truth"
So he went to the side of the playground and had a seat just like I told him and sat with his head in his hands. He looked up a few times and I would ask him if he was ready to chat and he would just shake his head no.
About three or so minutes later (Which seems like a century to a kid on the playground, lol) he came up to me and told me he was ready to talk and he confessed to opening the door to look at the second grade.
first I thanked him for telling me the truth and I asked him if him opening the door was a good or bad choice. He told me bad. Then I asked him if telling me the truth was a good or bad choice... he told me good. And last, I asked him if lying to me was a good choice or a bad choice. He said bad. So after discussing with him the definition of trust, I explained to him that since he had told a lie he had to go sit out again.
So this time I only let him sit out for about a minute or two (because he was getting a little teary) and I called him back up to me. I asked him why he had to sit out the second time.. he said "Because I lied" I said "thats exactly right, how many times would you have had to sit out if you had told the truth?" He said "once" I said "yep, thats right... are you going to lie to me again?" "no ma'am" "You promise?" " I promise" Then I gave him a hug and told him to go play and he ran off with a smile on his face.
The whole ordeal really made me smile. I absolutely love working with kids when they are young and impressionable.
Which brings me to my next point.....
For me, the time that I really learn and understand something from God's Word... is when I think of God as my father. Yes... he is my father, he is everyones father.. but what I mean is thinking of what he does for me as a father.
I don't know if its the fact that I'm a teacher, or the fact that I'm at the point in my life where i really want children of my own, but I really relate to the caregiver role.... For example... in BSF we were discussing Isaiah (like we have been all year) and we got to chapter 42... and this is the passage that really spoke to me ..
Anyway...... The second grade was using the Gym for their Sock Hop so we (all the rotation teachers) took the kids outside on to the playground. The kids loved having the extra time outside.
Well, the only problem was that the kiddo's all wanted to stand by the Gym door and watch the Second grade party. We would have to shoo them away from the door about every fifteen minutes.
Well.. I sat down on the bench around the corner and was chatting with the computer teacher when two little girls ran up and told me one of the other little boys in the class opened the door to the gym to watch the party.
Of course that was a big no no so I asked the girls to have the little boy come over so I could chat with him. Now I'm going to call this little fella "R" ..
When "R" got up to me I politely asked him...
"R" did you open the door to the gym to watch the second grade party?"
"No, I didn't I promise"
"Are you sure you didn't open the door? "
" I Didn't open the door!!"
"Well, here's my problem.. I have some witnesses that said that you opened the door, why would they tell me that if you didn't really do it"
" I don't know... I'm telling the truth I didn't do it"
Well, I knew that he had done it b/c "R" is a great kid... but he likes to push his luck ....A LOT! lol
So I told him that even if he did it, he would get in a lot less trouble if he told me the truth than if he lied.
He continued to plead his innocence so I told him
"Why don't you have a seat and think about whether or not you are telling me the truth"
So he went to the side of the playground and had a seat just like I told him and sat with his head in his hands. He looked up a few times and I would ask him if he was ready to chat and he would just shake his head no.
About three or so minutes later (Which seems like a century to a kid on the playground, lol) he came up to me and told me he was ready to talk and he confessed to opening the door to look at the second grade.
first I thanked him for telling me the truth and I asked him if him opening the door was a good or bad choice. He told me bad. Then I asked him if telling me the truth was a good or bad choice... he told me good. And last, I asked him if lying to me was a good choice or a bad choice. He said bad. So after discussing with him the definition of trust, I explained to him that since he had told a lie he had to go sit out again.
So this time I only let him sit out for about a minute or two (because he was getting a little teary) and I called him back up to me. I asked him why he had to sit out the second time.. he said "Because I lied" I said "thats exactly right, how many times would you have had to sit out if you had told the truth?" He said "once" I said "yep, thats right... are you going to lie to me again?" "no ma'am" "You promise?" " I promise" Then I gave him a hug and told him to go play and he ran off with a smile on his face.
The whole ordeal really made me smile. I absolutely love working with kids when they are young and impressionable.
Which brings me to my next point.....
For me, the time that I really learn and understand something from God's Word... is when I think of God as my father. Yes... he is my father, he is everyones father.. but what I mean is thinking of what he does for me as a father.
I don't know if its the fact that I'm a teacher, or the fact that I'm at the point in my life where i really want children of my own, but I really relate to the caregiver role.... For example... in BSF we were discussing Isaiah (like we have been all year) and we got to chapter 42... and this is the passage that really spoke to me ..
5 This is what God the LORD says—
the Creator of the heavens, who stretches them out,
who spreads out the earth with all that springs from it,
who gives breath to its people,
and life to those who walk on it:
6 “I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness;
I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
to be a covenant for the people
and a light for the Gentiles,
7 to open eyes that are blind,
to free captives from prison
and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.
the Creator of the heavens, who stretches them out,
who spreads out the earth with all that springs from it,
who gives breath to its people,
and life to those who walk on it:
6 “I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness;
I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
to be a covenant for the people
and a light for the Gentiles,
7 to open eyes that are blind,
to free captives from prison
and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.
The part that really hits me is in verse six... " I will take your hand". He is saying that he will take our hand and guide us .... He will guide us in the direction he wants... he will take us where he wants us to go. He will keep us safe. Do we not do this for our Children?
I kind of picture a particular scenario in my mind... like maybe a crowded mall.. or somewhere where you might feel your child is in danger? Do you not grab their hand and take them to safety? Sometimes drag them even....
That is what God does for us. He is our protector...He takes our hand, pulls us near, and guides us to safety. How comforting is that!?!? I picture God taking my hand and pulling me right to his side where I cling to him. That is just so powerful to me.. just mind boggling....
Then another scenario is brought to mind. Going to the dentist.. or to the Dr. to get shots...You know that your child needs to go... and it is what is best for them.. So you have to take their hand and drag them into the dental seat. You know it is probably going to be painful for them .. but it is for their own good... I can see the kid digging their heels into the carpet and trying desperately not to have to go into the painful dentist appointment.
Is that not what we do to God? Do we dig our heels into the carpet and say No! I don't want to go!!
I know I do...
No! I don't want to share your word with that person, they may be mean to me... No! I don't want to sacrifice my time to you in the mornings... I need my Sleep.. No! I don't want to .. I don't want to .. I don't want to!!!!!
And time after time.... God is patient.. he waits for us to finish our little tantrum... (however many times it takes) and guides us in the right direction.
13 Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
14 Who knows? He may turn and relent
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
14 Who knows? He may turn and relent
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.
These verses from Joel 2 tell us the attributes of God.. He is gracious.. compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love.
So I have to ask myself... Do I have these attributes? Specifically with my kiddo's at school... even more specifically will I have them with my future children... (whenever I may get them) So for now i'll talk about my kids at school....
Am I gracious to them? Do I show them abounding Love?? I try to.....
And now the BIG Question... Am I slow to Anger...... Ha!! Umm... No.. But I want to be.
We are supposed to model ourselves after Christ.. so... as hard as it will be for me... I need to become slow to anger... I need to have more patience with my students... God does it for me... Boy does he ever have patience with me...
So my goal for myself.... to be a more Christ-like teacher... to show love to my students... and to be slow to anger...
Yes.. I can do it :)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
This is the stuff....
I've mentioned several times before that God speaks to me through music mainly through lyrics. My favorite thing to do is to listen to Pandora on a Christian station and just listen and learn.
One of my favorite songs right now is called "This is the Stuff" By Francesca Battistelli. I heard it live at Winterjam and It makes my heart happy every time I hear it on the Radio.
Here is a video of the song and lyrics. I don't think the actual music video is out yet.
Here are the lyrics:
I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone
This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use
45 in a 35
Sirens and fines while I'm running behind
Whoa
This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use
So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world
Oh Oh Oh
This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use
Oh Oh Oh Oh
This is the stuff You use
I really do LOVE this song!!
So many times I get all wrapped up in the "stuff" that drives me crazy or the small little insignificant things that cause me to lose my cool. Every time I hear this song, I think about how God really is in control. He uses all these things to help mold me into a better person with whichever lesson he wants me to learn in that particular situation.
Why am i sweating the small stuff? Things could be so much worse than they are right now.
And just like the song says.. "I forget how big I'm blessed"
I am WAY blessed... I have an amazing husband who I love with all my heart, we have a great family that we know we can count on and we all have our health, a roof over our heads and food to eat.
I stumbled on this bible verse tonight and feel as though God wanted me to really take it to heart.
One of my favorite songs right now is called "This is the Stuff" By Francesca Battistelli. I heard it live at Winterjam and It makes my heart happy every time I hear it on the Radio.
Here is a video of the song and lyrics. I don't think the actual music video is out yet.
Here are the lyrics:
I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone
This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use
45 in a 35
Sirens and fines while I'm running behind
Whoa
This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use
So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world
Oh Oh Oh
This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use
Oh Oh Oh Oh
This is the stuff You use
I really do LOVE this song!!
So many times I get all wrapped up in the "stuff" that drives me crazy or the small little insignificant things that cause me to lose my cool. Every time I hear this song, I think about how God really is in control. He uses all these things to help mold me into a better person with whichever lesson he wants me to learn in that particular situation.
Why am i sweating the small stuff? Things could be so much worse than they are right now.
And just like the song says.. "I forget how big I'm blessed"
I am WAY blessed... I have an amazing husband who I love with all my heart, we have a great family that we know we can count on and we all have our health, a roof over our heads and food to eat.
I stumbled on this bible verse tonight and feel as though God wanted me to really take it to heart.
Luke 12:22-29 (New International Version, ©2011)
Do Not Worry
22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[a]? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? So starting right now, I want to worry less, and give everything to God. To realize that everything that happens is to teach me a lesson. Maybe it's a lesson on patience, maybe a lesson on listening to God, maybe a lesson on being blessed by God.
Just like the song says
Break me of my impatience
and help me conquer my frustrations
That is my prayer for this evening.
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