Well.. It's been a long time since my last post, It's time to start blogging again.
So many things have changed since I blogged last. I spent a year in BSF leadership until God called me somewhere new, I started a masters degree in school administration and am now finishing it up, and most importantly, I have been able to support my husband in becoming a Youth Minister. Life is busy, but so good.
Like many people in today's world, I have always been a planner. I've always felt like I have to have a plan for everything. It comes in pretty handy at work, but when you go to planning your life... it's a totally different ballgame.
I knew at a pretty young age what I wanted to do for a living and did everything I needed to do to get it done. So naturally I assumed everything else I planned as a child would happen as long as I did what I was supposed to. (yea yea.. I know... hindsight is 20/20) I just knew for sure that I would graduate from college, get my first job right away, be married by twenty-two, have my first child by twenty-five.. yada yada yada.. If it was something that could be planned.. it was somewhere on a list with a time line and everything. Knowing me, it was probably color coded as well. As it turns out.. some of the things on my "To-do" list did actually happen when I thought they would. I did graduate from college with my music education degree.. I was married by 22 ... I didn't get a job right out of school.. but I did the next year.. so that's close enough right? Everything was seeming to go as planned.
But then guess what happened.. My plans started to grow.. I no longer had a simple outline of my life. My plan had become like a detailed graphic organizer with lines and bubbles going off in all different directions. I decided I was going to live here for this amount of time .. then we were going to move here for a while.. I was going to teach school here for this long.. move to another school .. and then when the kids were old enough.. we would move here so they could go to school there. It became insane. I felt like I always had to be on the lookout for something better. I wasn't unhappy, I just couldn't settle. After all.. that's what it's all about right? Making that money and having the finer things in life, right?
Wrong.
With the help of my amazing husband.. I got a big 'ole smack in the face. Not actually by my husband.. lol, but from one of the lessons he taught.
I was stressing out one day... trying to decide on one of the many facets of my detailed plan when he finally said. "I just think you need to be happy with where you are at in life". All of a sudden It felt as though I had been smacked upside the head and all I could say was " Well Duh!" I started to ask myself.. Why do I want to move there? Why can't I stay here? What makes me want to do this? What makes me want to do that? I really couldn't give myself an answer other then "I guess I thought I was supposed to".
You see.. today's world teaches us not to be happy or content with what we have. We can always do better.
No! You can't be happy at your job!
No! You can't be content in a small home!
No! You can't live modestly!
No! You can't wear that outfit twice!
You must try harder.. You must do better!!
You Must out do that person!
You Must You Must You Must!!!
I guess I fell victim to all of the worldly viewpoints. I always felt like I needed to be doing something better.. getting something better.. being someone better. But then .. As I listened to my husband teaching the Word of God I realized None of it matters. None of it.
It doesn't matter where I teach as long as I do it for God. It doesn't matter where I Live as long as I Live for God. It doesn't matter what I wear as long as I am honoring God. It just plain doesn't matter. I looked back at my short adult life and realized I was always trying to do something better. And I just realized it wasn't necessary.
That doesn't mean I need to become complacent and not try to do anything with my life. It just means that I need to stop focusing on MY plan and start focusing on GOD'S plan, start focusing on what GOD has in store for my life.
Some of you know that James is my absolute favorite book of the Bible.. it is also one of the most convicting books of the bible.
James 4:13-17 (NIV) says:
13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. 17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.
The Message states the ending of that verse like this "All such vaunting self-importance is evil. In fact, if you know the right thing to do and don’t do it, that, for you, is evil."
Wow! That pierced right through the heart. In fact, I still get a little sore reading it. Once I saw that, I remember thinking Whoah! Did I just totally diss God by making all those plans? Umm.. Yes...yes I did. Did I really think that I.. measly little me ...could plan out my life? I can barely plan a decent dinner.. much less the inner workings of my own life and everyone involved in it... I am exactly what it says.. A mist.. that appears for a little while and then vanishes. While my life here on earth is important to God, It is nothing compared to what I have in store and I should not treat it as though it is only my concern.
Jeremiah 29:11 states:“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
God has my life planned out... I need to leave it alone! Well.. at least drop my plans.. I need to start praying about it.. Get on my knees and really start focusing and listening for what God wants me to do. Not what I want to do.
Psalm 32:8 states: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.”
Just as it says, he is my counselor.. and he also gave me my own personal counselor in the holy spirit. As long as I listen, I will be guided. I may not like the direction I am guided in.. but tough kibble! Once again.. its not MY plan!
Proverbs 3:5-6 states: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (NIV)
I really think that about sums it up... I need to lean not on my own understanding... There are so many things I could never get.. But it's okay because I have a Holy father that does. And once I really start listening, he will start revealing some answers. I always worry about making the wrong decision in life, but if I am leaning on him, acknowledging him, and LISTENING to him.. he will make my paths straight. That's what the scripture says... and scripture doesn't lie.
Wow! Look at how long this post is! I'll leave you with one last thing.
Philippians 4:12 states:
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I have learned the secret!!! Well.. at least I am learning to learn the secret!!
I think in all of this.. I have learned not only to let go of my plans.. but to be content. I can't even tell you how freeing it is to just let go of it all. Give it all to God. All of the plans I had.. all of the questions I have.. I don't have to worry about finding my own answer. I don't have to worry about my next move in life. I just get to sit back and enjoy.... and let me tell you, being happy beats being stressed any day! I just have to give it to God and do my part to listen. He's got it under control. I'm just a passenger, not the driver.
To quote one of my favorite hymns:
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Whatever you have for me God... Whatever you want for me, I give it up to you. I'm letting go of the life I planned for me.. I'm embracing your love and doing it your way. Help me to throw away the desires of this world and focus solely on you. Help me to embrace where you have me in life and truly be content. Whatever my lot Lord, Whatever you have me go through.. It is well.. It is well with my soul.
amen
