Me??? In A Jail???

Well, As some of you saw a couple days ago, I posted about a chance to make things right with my biological father. Here is the story in a little more detail...

 Last saturday night I got a phone call about 11:30 pm.. I was laying on the couch watching a movie with Eric and when I finally got off the couch and picked up the phone it had already gone to voicemail.
When I saw who it was that called I realized that it was an 1-866 number and I thought hmm... thats weird.. so I waited for the little "ding" of my voicemail and listened to see who it was.

 I heard " if you accept this call press 1" and then it shut off.. I thought Oh great.. It's my dad...

Now for the back story on all this...

My dad and I have never really had a good relationship. We have led seperate lives for the majority of my life. When my mom was pregnant with me, he left her for another woman and it was all down-hill from there. When I was younger he would try to bully my mother and I around, but for the most part he did his thing, I did mine.  I had some contact with him, but to be honest.. most of it was not good. My main memories of him consist of him either being drunk or being verbally abusive.

All of that past behind us.. fast forward to the last year or so.. After a very very long time of trying to please my father and trying to have a relationship with him and failing miserably.. a good friend of mine finally set me down and told me his story with his mother (which has it's resemblences) and he finally made me realize that I had to do what was right for me. I had tried and tried to be a good daughter but I couldn't do what he wouldn't let me do. So from that point on I did whatever I felt was the right thing and if he didn't accept it, or  like it .. I just lived with it.

Last October while I was at the state fair with Eric and his family.. my father called me and told me that he was going to jail for racketeering. He explained that his house had been raided and it was just a matter of time before he would be put into jail. I wish I could say that I was suprised.. but I really wasn't.

My dad has been involved in things that I can't even imagine .. since before I came around.. but I never wanted to know any of it.. and he was never forth coming about it so It worked.  As they say .. ignorance is bliss.

To make a long story short... I have talked to him on and off since that October evening and he told me pretty much every time we spoke that he didn't think he was going to have to do the jail time. I think it was because he was cooperating with the police on several different things, but for the most part he thought he would be fine.

Well.. fast forward to June.. I tried calling him on fathers day... no answer... I tried calling him in July on his birthday... no answer.. I tried calling him on my birthday.. no answer.. I even tried to figure out a way to get ahold of my uncle to find out if he was ok.. but his number was unlisted.. So I just kind of had to wait. I had my suspicions of whether or not he was locked up but I never really knew for sure. Periodically I would even check the court records to see if I could find something... but then again It wasn't unlike him to just not answer my phone calls so I just figured when he wanted to talk to me.. he would call.

Then Saturday night happened ... As soon as I heard the voicemail I put Eric to work trying to figure out where the call came from... we finally figured out it was an inmate calling service that was from the Oklahoma County Jail. So I did a little digging and sure enough .. there he was.. mug shot and all.. he had been booked in May.

Immediately my heart sank. I was reduced to tears... my dad's mug shot just broke my heart. He looked like a sad, lonely, old man. It makes me tear up every time I think about it. I know that he became that sad, lonely man because of his actions and the way he treated others.. but I just couldn't bare the thought of him being there for three months and not hearing from me.

That night, while looking at that picture,God touched my heart in a truely amazing way... I knew  that my father and I  had a sketchy past.. but to be honest, I didn't care. I dont care.. not anymore.. I see the bigger picture.

I don't care how he treated me.. I don't care all that he is done, I don't care that he is in jail or that he broke the law.. I just care that I see a lost soul with no one to guide him.

Now, as i said earlier, I can't argue with the fact that his actions got him into the mess he is in, and he knew full well that his choices would end him up in jail... but he's my father and he is just what  I said.. a sad, lonely, man. But you know what? That doesn't mean that there is no hope for him.

That night I wrote out a long letter to him explaining to him how I found out about him being in jail, I explained to him that as soon as I could I would come see him. I told him how much I loved him and that I would see him soon.

Well.. Today was the day.. and I am so blessed to say it was amazing. Now.. the being pat down part was not so great, but the conversation I was able to have with my daddy was such a Godsend.

We chatted for a while about what had happened and when his court dates were and finally I asked him if he had been praying about his situation. I have never talked to my father about being a Christian in my life.. so it was a scary topic to bring up.. but it was so wonderful. I got the chance to talk to him about God's forgiveness and God's Mercy. At one point he looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me how ashamed he was. And by the Grace of God I somehow was able to look at him and say " you know what.. you don't have to be. God loves you and he doesn't care what you have done" " He will take care of you if you will just go to him and ask him for help." I explained to him that his sin was no different than mine and that his being ashamed was simply a tool satan was using to keep him from peace. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God was there giving me the words that he needed to hear.

I am still amazed typing this... I don't usually have this type of courage.. If you read my blogs regularly you will see, I have such a hard time opening up to strangers.. and to be honest, thats what my dad is.. a stranger.
But not anymore!!! I recognize this gift I have been given and I have been writing him regularly. I just wrote  a letter to him to be sent out on Monday.

God is just so amazingly good. I can only pray that this relationship will continue to grow and he can have the chance to become the daddy I always wanted :)

And if thats not the case... I still know in my heart that I did all that I could to help him, to show him God's love and to try to lead him in a positive direction. It is up to him now to make the life changing choice to come to Christ.

But even if his mind hasn't been changed today (which it most likely hasn't been) I am committed to this. I'm committed to sharing God's love with him.

As I said, I am truely blessed to be on this journey with him and hope to have good news to share with you soon!

Please keep us in your prayers.

To God be the Glory, Great things he hath done!!!

Out Live Your Life -- Max Lucado

So as I stated in my previous blog. I made the goal to read at least five books this summer.

Why??

 Because in the last meeting I had with the BSF leaders, our teacher challenged us to read as much as possible, to stay in The Word and learn as much as we could.

Sooooo.... that brings me to my first book :)

"Out live your life" by Max Lucado.... 

This is actually a book I am reading for a summer bible study that I am doing with the Church Eric and I are looking to join. I have to say that it is an awesome read. very humbling and very very convicting.

So... what is it about you ask??? LET ME TELL YOU!!!!!!!     : ) : )

Basically... it is a call to action... to get your booty out there and do something with yourself.  Get your mind off of you and all of the material things you have and Do the work that God has called you to do.   (my words, not his) 

The back of the book reads: 

These are devastating times: 1.75 billion people are desperately poor; one billion are hungry. Lonely hearts indwell our neighborhood and attend our schools. In the midst of it all, here we stand: you, me and our one-of-a-kind lives. We are given a choice... an opportunity to make a big difference during a difficult time. What if we did? What if we rocked the world with hope? Worth a try don't you think?

The book  talks  about the charter members of the Jerusalem church. It tells of the ordinary people that do amazing things for the Kingdom of God. Starting in the first chapter and continuing on through the rest of the book, Max  uses scripture to show examples of everything he is going to challenge us to do. 

He also fills us in on all the statistics of poverty, hunger, disease, even slavery and sex trade issues. He calls your attention to the problems and even quotes scripture to prove to you that it is our job as Christians to help. 

Throughout the book  he gives examples of people answering their call and doing God's work, Showing the Love of God to those who need it. One of the many things I loved about this book is that he does not shove one particular thing down your throat. There is no " Do this or your going to Hell"  type thing... He is very clear that you should only do what you are called to do.

 Yes.. that's right.. I didn't say what you are COMFORTABLE doing.. but what you are CALLED to do. Sometimes those are the same things, but more often than not ( at least in my experience) they are waaaaay different. 

The third chapter of the book talks about letting God "unshell" you. Letting him make you aware of what is going on around you. A lot of times we don't want to see what is going on and choose to look the other way. 

My favorite part of this chapter reads: 

        With whom do you feel most fluent? Teenagers? Drug addicts? The elderly? You may be tongue 

        tied around children but eloquent with executives. This is how God designed you. " God has given

        us different gifts for doing certain things well"  (Romans 12:6 NLT)

It goes on to say that God doesn't burden us equally. He pulls each of us to a certain thing. That was really big for me. I was like whoah! It's OK  that I'm not comfortable around a group of high school seniors... It's OK if I'm not myself right away in a group of women. God has fashioned me exactly how he wants me... I believe my gift is with Children. I've mentioned before that I can be goofy, silly, fun, happy.... really just completely comfortable in front of my kiddo's at school ( my little ones at least ) ... but put me in a group of people my own age and I'll shut down and  if I'm lucky I'll  get out three words. 

But you know what... that's okay!! I'm working on getting myself to trust easier and talk more in front of strangers.. but the point is.. I don't need to feel bad for the way I am. I am a child of God and he created me the way I am.  I am trying to change because I want to. Not because I feel I have to. 

In chapter eleven .. Max speaks about not doing something just so everyone can see it. It tells the story of a couple in the bible that decide to donate land to the Church so that everyone will know they are doing it... It's kind of like writing the tithe check and purposefully holding it so others can see how much you are putting in the offering plate. 

We don't need to help others for what we get out of it... we don't need to publicize it. We should do it because we care and because it is the right thing to do. We need to be humble. 

This section says: 

         The greatest example of this humility is none other than Jesus Christ.Who had more reason to boast than he? Yet he never did.  He walked on water but never strutted on the beach. He turned a basket into a buffet but never demanded applause.

        

I  have to admit that the idea of Jesus strutting on the beach made me laugh out loud.. but you get the point. a few sentences later he says.. Jesus didn't do these things so How dare we?

That is so incredibly right. How dare we? 

How dare we turn this into something about us?

hmmmm???

get my point? That taught me a lot that little section... like I said earlier very convicting... but trust me it gets worse...

Chapter twelve talks about blasting walls down. We have these Pre-conceived notions about people.. about people of a lower class.. people of a different race... maybe even people that work at a certain place.. or live on the "wrong side of the street" 

It talks about letting go of it all. Forget your previous thoughts and give everyone a chance. We don't know what they are going through.. we don't know what they have been through in the past. It is not our job to judge them or call them inferior.

At the end of every chapter he writes a verse of scripture and accompanies it with a prayer. This prayer, as my BSF leader would say, made me have to put my big girl panties on... God was talking to ME in that chapter.

        Lord, in how many ways does my foolish heart make false distinctions among your people?

        Reveal them to me. How often do i judge someone as unworthy of you by the way I treat 

        him or her? Rebuke me in your love. Where can I blast a wall or remove a barrier that keeps your children apart

        from one another? Give me some dynamite and the skill and courage to use it for your glory. What

        can I do in my sphere of influence to bring the love of Christ to someone who may feel ostracized or 

        estranged from you? Lend me divine insight and bless me with the resolve to be your hands and feet. 

        May I be a bridge and not a wall. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. 

phew... just typing it makes me feel about the size of a lady bug. 

a couple chapters later he talks about not writing anyone off and staying off of your "high horse" and then comes another one of those convicting prayers.....

      Father, you have used all types of people for your holy purposes: prostitutes, murderers, persecutors, liars, thieves, swindlers,the illiterate, the ignorant, the blind, and the lame. Grant me the grace to treat everyone I meet  as someone for whom Jesus died and rose again. Let there be no unwholesome or unholy  distinctions in my eyes and no unworthy favoritism in my actions. Rather, make me  into a vessel through whom Jesus Shines. In Christ's name I pray, amen.

Well.. If I felt the size of a ladybug before I guess I'm down to the size of a flea now.. 

The last short paragraph of the last chapter says: 

   

      None of us can help everyone. But all of us can help someone.  And when we help them, we serve Jesus.

That last part pretty much sums the whole book up. We can all do SOMETHING. Don't have extra money, who cares ... volunteer somewhere.. just do something ... 

I have to say that I truly enjoyed this book and learned a lot from its teaching. 

After the 16th chapter there is a Discussion and Action Guide. It is GREAT!! It gives you practical ways to put what you just read into motion.

For me, this book showed me that I have been so selfish in my life. So many times I just think about me. No.. I  don't want to go do that I'm tired... No.. i don't want to volunteer for that, what if they want me to do it again...

I look at how materialistic the world is and I realize.. Jennifer.. you are right there with them. You have Five perfectly good purses in your closet and you are salivating over the new perfect pink Fossil you saw in the store the other day... $80 bucks on a purse... Do you realize that through organizations like www.worldvision.org you could do a micro-loan for less than that and provide a farmer in Peru with materials to start their own business. AND YOU GET THE MONEY BACK ONCE THEY EARN IT!! It's like Hello!!!! I want to slap myself in the face and say DUH!!!

I am so blessed and It's time that I start doing MY part to help. I really don't know exactly what I want to do yet, but I think Eric and I are going to start by sponsoring a child through www.worldvision.org. or www.compassion.com I'm not sure which we will use yet, we have to do a little more research into them. But for $35 dollars a month... Less than the price of a fancy meal... we can significantly change the life of a child somewhere in the world. $35 dollars??? I can do that.. I can cook at home instead of going out... 

I think the biggest thing I learned from this is Anyone can do the work of God.. not just "Special" people.. 

We are all called to do something more with our life...  Life is so not just  about us.. 

:) 

Summer Goals!!

Well.. Summer is here.. I'm about two weeks in... and I find myself making goals for the duration of time that I am off work. If you are reading this than you are most likely friends with me on facebook and know that I had a really hard time deciding whether or not to work this summer.

I didn't have to work.. being a teacher I still get paid during the summer.. but I thought well.. since we don't have kids yet and I want them sometime in the near future.. I should work while I can and get a little $$ saved up. Because I know without a doubt I will not want to work during the summer when little ones are around.

Well, plans were all a go and I even had a job interview to do a summer teaching job at a daycare I used to work at taking care of the School age program. I knew I was going to get it by the sounds of the Directors phone calls... so I really didn't worry too much.

Well... I was visiting with my grandmother one day at the Nursing home and It all of a sudden hit me like a ton of bricks that I wouldn't get to spend much time with her during the summer.  The School program job was from 9-6 so I wouldn't get to see her but in the evenings and on weekends. The thought absolutely made me want to cry. I did tear up once I got out to the truck... Poor Eric was thrown for a loop.. "What's wrong Jenn" He was completely surprised considering we had just come from a really good visit (Which doesn't always happen with her, Dementia is an evil illness)

So there I was blubbering in the front seat sitting outside the nursing home explaining to Eric that I didn't know if I wanted to work this summer. I wish I could have taken a picture of his face. His only comment was "Well then don't work"

It was never his idea for me to work this summer, I came up with it on my own. I wanted to get a little extra $. I wanted to pay off a couple bills. I wanted to put some money in savings.  He didn't seem to mind that I didn't want to work. His outlook was that he wouldn't want to work if he had the option... so that was that.

Well.. not so much for me it wasn't. I struggled and struggled whether to work or not to work for about two weeks. I just remember laying on the bed praying for God to show me what to do. Because I honestly had no idea.

Well, I have a wonderful Godly Woman that I work with named Trish... I went to her one afternoon and just told her everything. I said Trish.. I just don't know what to do... So being the wonderful wise woman she is she sat with me and weighed the pros and con's. Finally she put it in simple terms for me. She said "Jennifer... what are you going to regret more... not spending time with your grandmother ... or not earning a little extra money"... When put like that there was no comparison... I know that I probably don't have all the time in the world left with my grandmother.. with anyone for that matter. So there was my answer. I'm not going to work.. I was so happy! I went home and told Eric.. "Eric... Guess what!!!?!?! I'm not going to work this summer!! "He was like " I thought we already decided that" lol  I explained everything to him that I was feeling and he agreed whole heartedly... so now here I am... a little under two months from having to go back to school and trying to figure out what to do with myself.

Once I realized that I wasn't going to work, I started asking God right away to help me better myself over the Summer. There had to be a reason he didn't want me to work... so I'm going to do all I can to serve him and better myself.

So my summer goals emerged.

Goal # 1: Read at least five books
Goal # 2: Find some way to help others
Goal # 3: Go spend time with my grandmother as much as possible
Goal # 4: Get my house in order and keep it that way
and last but not least
Goal # 5: Learn to cook

lol.. If you know me, you know I HATE to cook.. absolutely hate it. If I didn't have to eat to survive i wouldn't.. This has been hard for the husband because he comes from a long line of amazing cooks.... cooks that make everything home made cooks..
I remember a year or so into our marriage he was like.. "You know... I really thought you would start liking to cook by this point in our marriage" my response was " yea, me too.." but I hadn't lol...

Well anyway.. I'm well on my way to achieving my goals.

Last week I made two home cooked meals :) which were pretty tasty if I don't mind saying so myself..
I spent several hours with my grandmother.. not as many as I would have hoped... but Mine and Eric's brother came home from the Marines last week.. and we were busy doing a lot of family things with them. I still have a little more work to do on that.
I'm finding ways to help others... I have a few ideas that I will be checking on this week. I hope to do some volunteering with meals on wheels... and a few other things that I'm looking into.
I have our house semi-clean... as clean as it can be coming off of remodeling a room. I still have some things to put away that got tousled around in all the hoopla.

And the thing I'm most excited about!!!!! ............

I have already read Two books!!!


I'm so excited!! I have several more that I want to read that I am ordering off of amazon.com.

I will be posting about the books in just a few days. I really want to share with you some of the things I have learned from them.

Oh!! And I can't forget... God has been so amazing and revealed himself to me so many times in just this last few weeks. I got a call the other day from the daycare I was telling you about wanting me to do some sub-work for them. I was pretty Leary at first, because I was afraid they would put me with the babies, and as much as I want one of my own.. it scares me to death to think of taking care of someone Else's... I don't think I have ever changed a diaper before... so I knew that that was not going to be a good idea.

But I'm getting to sub with 3-4 year olds and only just for a few days this summer... so it works out great!! I'm getting to do everything I want this summer without being tied down to  a job, but I'm still getting to earn just a little bit of mad money.

I caught myself talking to my mother-in-law the other day about my goals and how excited I was that I am well on my way to reaching them.. and how proud of myself that I was... and then... It hit me...

This is not me.. This is God... He is the one that gets the credit. Not me.. he is the one providing all of these opportunities for me. Yes I have a say in it, but ultimately It's all God.

Can't wait to get my blogs up about the books I read!!

If you are reading this.. and have made it this far ( sorry it's so long) help me out by holding me accountable to my goals..
If your friends with me on Facebook... shoot me a message... if you see me in person.. bring it up in conversation.. I need accountability.

I'm so excited about the things God is doing in my life right now!!
To God be the Glory!!

= )

Just when you think you are settled....

Well, it has been forever since I posted a blog. I'm not super happy about that but I guess it is what it is. Life has been pulling me in a bazillion and one different directions. I think my last post was just before spring break in March and that's when all the craziness hit.

At that point my mother had been in the hospital for approximately three weeks with staph infection and the decision was made to put my grandmother into a nursing home. It was not a good experience to say the least. I have always been very close to my grandmother so seeing her disease (dementia) take her mind away from her has really been hard. But, with my mother in the hospital and no one else able to take care of her 24/7 it was an absolute must.

To  make a long story short I spent all of Spring Break (And Thank-You Lord that I had the time off to do it!!) looking for , finding, packing-up, and moving my grandmother into a Care facility that is approximately ten minutes from my house. Thankfully I was not the only one in the decision making process. Eric and my step-sister were there every step of the way doing just as much as I was.

All in all it went very well. My grandmother actually signed herself in, Which was a total God thing and she has been living there for over a month now. It is definitely not without it's difficulties. It is very common for Eric and I to get off work and have no less than 8 messages each from nannie asking us to come get her and take her home.She just doesn't understand that she can't take care of herself. For the most part it is very easy to redirect her requests, we can just ask her about her day or if she played Bingo that week... but here lately she has had some medical issues that are causing her to be very stubborn and argumentative.

But... the bottom line is she is safe. She is well taken care of.. getting everything she needs. She has someone to make sure she is taking her meds... she has someone to make sure she is getting bathed. And as much as it hurts every time she calls and tells me that if I loved her I would go pick her up.... I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is where she needs to be and that I am doing the right thing. God has given me a Peace about it.

So why am I sharing this?? Well... just as I always have strived to do in my blogs... I would like to share with you all that God has taught me in this crazy wild stressful time of life.

PATIENCE!!!!, NOT TO WORRY, COMPLETE AND TOTAL TRUST.... My list could go on and on...  Our BSF leader once told us that you have to be actively listening and looking for God's lessons in Life and boy was I. I can honestly say that this was the most stressful point in my life that I can remember. I am normally a very laid back person... as far as stress goes... with God's help I can usually take things and let them roll of my back. I have always pictured myself tying my problems up with a little string and attaching them to a balloon and sending them up for God to take care of. But, during this time I had so much on my plate I didn't really know what to do... other than Pray. I had my mother in the hospital... which meant at least one weekly visit to her usually two or three... my grandmother getting ready to go to the nursing home... and if any of you are familiar with dementia... it can turn your loved ones into a very mean person.. and at that time she was... I was dealing with that.... I had lots of stress at work... a crazy schedule... one musical I finished the week before spring break and I had two within the next month... It really felt like things were just adding and adding and adding.... I needed to be able to take care of things for my mother.... for my grandmother.... take care of things for Eric.... for school.... have a clean house..... get groceries.... feed the dogs....figure out dinner... It just seemed like everything around me was pulling me in a million directions. I couldn't please everyone... I couldn't physically do everything that was expected of me.

Geez... It makes my head hurt just thinking about all of it. For the first time in my life I think I had a nervous breakdown. I was taking care of some things for nannie when my father called me with more things for me to do... and I just shut down. Without any notice.. I feel like I just lost it. I was mean to my dad.. mean to my mother... mean to my sister... grouchy with Eric.... Oh.. Eric... he's another story... he deserves a metal just for living with me during that time, he was so incredibly patient with me... And for someone that isn't normally mean or doesn't lose it very often... I got a lot of flack for "losing it" or for having a "breakdown" and that caused even more anger.... I remember thinking.. "geez, I'm human too!! I have emotions just like you... You can get stressed, but I can't?? "...  I had too many things going on at once... plain and simple... and as wrong as It was I shut down. I stopped what I was doing and had to take some time for me. I did what I felt like I could do and was forced to tell some people that they were going to have to do it themselves. I couldn't do it all.  I remember on this particular day I just stopped what I was doing and went and sat down.. I wasn't even capable of thinking things through.. I just remember having a song go through my head...over and over and over... I wasn't even thinking  complete thoughts... just singing a song in my head... making rhythms with my teeth... i wasn't really capable of much else at that moment... I remember feeling the emptiness wash over me...  I had gotten where God wanted me to be. I was finally moldable....

(Now is where you would see my hanging my head low )....... Am I proud of my actions? No... I knew right away that I had been wrong. I ended up calling everyone I was mean to that day and apologizing within a few hours.....

Looking back I can see all the lessons that God taught me through this rough time.

 Throughout it all I was praying... I didn't  really feel like my relationship with God wasn't where it was supposed to be... I was relying on him to get me through... He was the only reason I made it that long without losing it. But .. when I did finally have my melt down... it taught me that yes I am relying on God, but I hadn't truly given him complete control of my life. I was letting him have control over what I wanted him to have control over... i was pretty much saying .. "ok God... you can take care of all of this.. but I'm going to go ahead and be in charge of this stuff over here" .... umm... no Jennifer... that's not how it works..... I wasn't truly giving God the keys and letting him drive..

I remember being in middle school and going to Claire's and them having the funny little cards that you would keep in your wallet. I had one that said "Back seat driver" and I feel like that would be appropriate for me to have again. I was trying to take on all of those things that were expected of me. I was telling myself that i was relying on God, but the fact of the matter is... I was trying to do too much of it  on my own. Christ puts us through a process of Sanctification.. a process of becoming more like him... and even though I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.. I was praying... I was relying on him... I was doing what I thought was right.... God amped it up a little... he said ok Jennifer.. you think you are where you need to be... think again sweetheart... here is your little situation.. lets see you get through this the way you are... I can picture him holding his arms out to me saying "choose me...pick me... I am the one that is going to get you through this... I know it is going to be rough.. but this is going to make you closer to me in the end... it will all be ok... I Love you Jennifer... You are my daughter... This is all for you.. " It really makes me want to cry just typing it.

 Fast forward a month.. and here I am.. I have been trying to write a blog about this for weeks... and as soon as I give up and decide to write about something else.. here it is.. It just morphed into an account of the last month. I don't know if any of this really makes any sense or not. I really feel like I am rambling ... but hopefully it does.

I feel like I have come out of this whole ordeal a better person... It has definitely made me aware that I am trying to take control of my life myself.. and that even though I think I am where I am supposed to be.. there is always room to grow... always a way to get closer to God..

Always a way to be more like Christ.... Always a way to be better... Never a reason to settle......

Sitting Out Twice

So the other day in school, the 2nd grade was having a 50's Sock hop for their AR Party. An "AR Party" is what the kids get to go to if they get enough points for reading their books that six weeks. They read books and take quizzes over them. For every right answer on a quiz they get like a half a point and they work toward a different goal every six weeks.

Anyway...... The second grade was using the Gym for their Sock Hop so we (all the rotation teachers) took the kids outside on to the playground. The kids loved having the extra time outside.

Well, the only problem was that the kiddo's all wanted to stand by the Gym door and watch the Second grade party. We would have to shoo them away from the door about every fifteen minutes.

Well.. I sat down on the bench around the corner and was chatting with the computer teacher when two little girls ran up and told me one of the other little boys in the class opened the door to the gym to watch the party.

Of course that was a big no no so I asked the girls to have the little boy come over so I could chat with him.  Now I'm going to call this little fella  "R" ..

When "R" got up to me I politely asked him...

 "R" did you open the door to the gym to watch the second grade party?"
          "No, I didn't I promise"
"Are you sure you didn't open the door? "
         " I Didn't open the door!!"
"Well, here's my problem.. I have some witnesses that said that you opened the door, why would they tell me that if you didn't really do it"
         " I don't know... I'm telling the truth I didn't do it"

Well, I knew that he had done it b/c "R" is a great kid... but he likes to push his luck ....A LOT! lol
So I told him that even if he did it, he would get in a lot less trouble if he told me the truth than if he lied.
He continued to plead his innocence so I  told him

"Why don't you have a seat and think about whether or not you are telling me the truth"

So he went to the side of the playground and had a seat just like I told him and sat with his head in his hands. He looked up a few times and I would ask him if he was ready to chat and he would just shake his head no.

About three or so minutes later (Which seems like a century to a kid on the playground, lol) he came up to me and told me he was ready to talk and he confessed to opening the door to look at the second grade.

first I thanked him for telling me the truth and I asked him if him opening the door was a good or bad choice. He told me bad. Then I asked him if telling me the truth was a good or bad choice... he told me good. And last, I asked him if lying to me was a good choice or a bad choice. He said bad. So after discussing with him the definition of trust, I explained to him that since he had told a lie he had to go sit out again.

So this time I only let him sit out for about a minute or two (because he was getting a little teary) and I called him back up to me. I asked him why he had to sit out the second time.. he said "Because I lied" I said "thats exactly right, how many times would you have had to sit out if you had told the truth?" He said "once" I said "yep, thats right... are you going to lie to me again?" "no ma'am" "You promise?" " I promise" Then I gave him a hug and told him to go play and he ran off with a smile on his face.

The whole ordeal really made me smile. I absolutely love working with kids when they are young and impressionable.

Which brings me to my next point.....

For me, the time that I really learn and understand something from God's Word... is when I think of God as my father. Yes... he is my father, he is everyones father.. but what I mean is thinking of what he does for me as a father.

I don't know if its the fact that I'm a teacher, or the fact that I'm at the point in my life where i really want children of my own, but I really relate to the caregiver role.... For example... in BSF we were discussing Isaiah (like we have been all year) and we got to chapter 42... and this is the passage that really spoke to me ..

⁵ This is what God the LORD says—
the Creator of the heavens, who stretches them out,
   who spreads out the earth with all that springs from it,
   who gives breath to its people,
   and life to those who walk on it:
⁶ “I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness;
   I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
   to be a covenant for the people
   and a light for the Gentiles,
⁷ to open eyes that are blind,
   to free captives from prison
   and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

The part that really hits me  is in verse six... " I will take your hand". He is saying that he will take our hand and guide us .... He will guide us in the direction he wants... he will take us where he wants us to go.  He will keep us safe. Do we not do this for our Children?

I kind of picture a particular scenario in my mind... like maybe a crowded mall.. or somewhere where you might feel your child is in danger? Do you not grab their hand and take them to safety? Sometimes drag them even....

That is what God does for us. He is our protector...He takes our hand, pulls us near, and guides us to safety. How comforting is that!?!? I picture God taking my hand and pulling me right to his side where I cling to him. That is just so powerful to me.. just mind boggling....

Then another scenario is brought to mind.  Going to the dentist.. or to the Dr. to get shots...You know that your child needs to go... and it is what is best for them.. So you have to take their hand and drag them into the dental seat. You know it is probably going to be painful for them .. but it is for their own good... I can see the kid digging their heels into the carpet and trying desperately not to have to go into the painful dentist appointment.

Is that not what we do to God? Do we dig our heels into the carpet and say No! I don't want to go!! 

I know I do...

No! I don't want to share your word with that person, they may be mean to me... No! I don't want to sacrifice my time to you in the mornings... I need my Sleep.. No! I don't want to .. I don't want to .. I don't want to!!!!!

And time after time.... God is patient.. he waits for us to finish our little tantrum... (however many times it takes) and guides us in the right direction.

¹³ Rend your heart 
   and not your garments. 
Return to the LORD your God, 
   for he is gracious and compassionate, 
slow to anger and abounding in love, 
   and he relents from sending calamity. 
¹⁴ Who knows? He may turn and relent 
   and leave behind a blessing— 
grain offerings and drink offerings 
   for the LORD your God.

 These verses from Joel 2 tell us the attributes of God.. He is gracious.. compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. 

So I have to ask myself... Do I have these attributes? Specifically with my kiddo's at school... even more specifically will I have them with my future children... (whenever I may get them) So for now i'll talk about my kids at school....

Am I gracious to them? Do I show them abounding Love?? I try to.....

And now the BIG Question... Am I slow to Anger...... Ha!! Umm... No.. But I want to be. 

We are supposed to model ourselves after Christ.. so... as hard as it will be for me... I need to become slow to anger... I need to have more patience with my students... God does it for me... Boy does he ever have patience with me... 

So my goal for myself.... to be a more Christ-like teacher... to show love to my students... and to be slow to anger... 

Yes.. I can do it :) 

This is the stuff....

I've mentioned several times before that God speaks to me through music mainly through lyrics. My favorite thing to do is to listen to  Pandora on a Christian station and just listen and learn.

One of my favorite songs right now is called "This is the Stuff" By Francesca Battistelli. I heard it live at Winterjam and It makes my heart happy every time I hear it on the Radio.

Here is a video of the song and lyrics. I don't think the actual music video is out yet.

Here are the lyrics:

I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines while I'm running behind
Whoa

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world
Oh Oh Oh

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

Oh Oh Oh Oh
This is the stuff You use


I really do LOVE this song!!

So many times I get all wrapped up in the "stuff" that drives me crazy or the small little insignificant things that cause me to lose my cool. Every time I hear this song, I think about how God really is in control. He uses all these things to help mold me into a better person with whichever lesson he wants me to learn in that particular situation.

Why am i sweating the small stuff? Things could be so much worse than they are right now.
And just like the song says.. "I forget how big I'm blessed"
I am WAY blessed... I have an amazing husband who I love with all my heart, we have a great family that we know we can count on and we all have our health, a roof over our heads and food to eat.  

I stumbled on this bible verse tonight and feel as though God wanted me to really take it to heart.

Luke 12:22-29 (New International Version, ©2011)

Do Not Worry

 ²² Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴ Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life^[a]? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

 So starting right now,  I want to worry less, and give everything to God. To realize that everything that happens is to teach me a lesson. Maybe it's a lesson on patience, maybe a lesson on listening to God, maybe a lesson on being blessed by God.  

Just like the song says

 

Break me of my impatience 

and help me conquer my frustrations 

That is my prayer for this evening. 

I'll Never Post about that!!!

Yea, thats what I said.... and like I said about God teaching me lessons... today's lesson is to Never say Never...

I don't know what happened in the news today, (I try not to follow it, it makes me sad) But from the posts I see on facebook, something has happened on the Gay marriage front.

The post  I saw didn't say what happened so looked at the comments to see what was decided that had people in an uproar. My first thought was No way! No way I would ever voice my opinion on that.... Well... heck...
There was that little voice in my head saying Oh yes you will... and me saying .. oh no I wont...
That little convo inside my head lasted for several seconds until I finally decided..  Ok.. you win..

I pray all the time for things to write on this blog. When I first decided to start writing, I wanted to make absolutely sure that everything I wrote was from a Christian perspective. I didn't want to be one of those whiney people that have people questioning "why did she tell me that" I actually have a hope of helping people or inspiring people with my ramblings. Not that I have anything worthy to say, but God can put words into my mouth or in this case fingers. So The fact that I feel like God is telling me to write on this... is the ONLY reason why I write it.  I feel as though I need to write a disclaimer  on the blog.

CAUTION: DO NOT JUDGE ME FOR MY OPINION, I HAVE MINE, YOU HAVE YOURS.

CAUTION #2: PLEASE DO NOT DECIDE TO STOP TALKING TO ME BECAUSE OF MY BELIEFS. IF YOU BELIEVE DIFFERENTLY THAN I DO.. CHANCES ARE I ALREADY KNOW THAT YOU BELIEVE DIFFERENTLY THAN I DO ... AND GUESS WHAT! I DON'T CARE!! I'M STILL YOUR FRIEND AND I DONT JUDGE YOU FOR IT.. SO PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME

( did I mention I really am not looking forward to writing this? I really hate talking about non-politically correct topics)

*Sigh* Here we go... Here's my opinion.. for what it's worth ( probably not much, but thats ok with me)

First, I guess the only place I can start.. I do not believe that you are born Gay. I believe it is a choice. 

I think everyone in their life.. has at one point looked at a a guy and a girl and thought man they are "hott" or "Cute"  whatever your choice word is. I think it is in all of us. We look at someone of the same sex and think that they are what we want us to look like. Also, I think we can also get "turned on" (man this is awkward) by people of the same sex, but I don't think it is actually aimed at the man or woman themselves.. it's at the Sex... in general. Sex turns people on... 

Second reason why I think it is a choice. I think this world is cruel. I think the gay and lesbian community is the only place that some people feel accepted. There was a guy I went to high school with that had a crush on me for a really long time. He also had a crush on several girls after me. Unfortunately I wasn't interested in him in that way.  But the kids in school were horrible to him. Mean mean mean.. they called him "gay" "fag" (i even hate typing that word) everything unimaginable that you could think of. I think one of the only reasons he really liked me was because I was nice to him. Well anyway.. I think that If you have enough people telling you that.. then eventually you will believe it.  I think some people, not all, finally just give in and think.. well.. maybe I am gay... If it were the only place I felt comfortable and accepted, I can't say that I wouldn't choose that too.  It's horrible that the homosexual community is the only accepting group of people. My kids and my class will get ripped up one side and down the other if they EVER call someone Gay. It is not to be used as an insult. 

But Jennifer.. My brother-in-laws uncles son runs around the house in his mothers dresses with make-up on.. i just know he was born  Gay...  Well.. I think that girls can be tom-boyish and boys can be girl-ish. I mean you don't look at a little girl that likes to hunt and play sports and automatically assume they are gay. Why would you do that to boys?? I hate that! This society doesn't let boys be feminine. So what if your son plays with dolls and your daughter plays with GI Joe ... It doesn't mean they are gay! It's healthy for boys and girls to do some of the same things. I think a lot of gender confusion comes from dads saying "My sons not a sissy" big deal if he has a cabbage patch doll.. he'll be a great dad later on... ugh! (sorry I hate that ) 

Bottom line, I think it is a choice. 

Now.. Do I think being gay is a sin? Yes. 

Why.. because God tells us it is. He has destroyed entire cities for this. I choose to live my life by God's word.. and God's word tells us that it is a sin. As much as I love my Gay and Lesbian Friends.. It is what it is. I can't just choose to believe part of the Bible and not the other. Do I think Gay and lesbian people can't be Christians, No way! Of course they can be Christians. God loves Gay people just as much as he loves heterosexual people. He died on the Cross for all Sin.. regardless of what it is. 

Sin is Sin. 

People Choose to be Gay, Just like I choose to lie, or just like I choose to sin in any other way.  Now obviously lying and being gay are nothing alike.. they are on two different levels.. but still sin is sin and God hates Sin. He DOES NOT hate the person that sins.. just the sin itself.

Bottom line, We are all God's Children. He loves us. What's the kids song say?.. red and yellow black and white.. we are precious in his sight... just tack on gay, lesbian, metro, bisexual.. whatever.. He loves us all. And as long as you are saved You will go to heaven and you will rest with our Savior. What does John 3:16 say?  

 ¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

 It says the World.. not God so loved the heterosexual.. the world.. and everyone in it.. As long as you accept him as your Savior you will have eternal life in heaven. I don't believe there is any sin that will cause you to lose that. Well.. with the exception of one. 

 Mattthew 12:31-32 says:

³¹ And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. ³² Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.

That doesn't say every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but homosexuality will not be forgiven ....

Soooooo... my whole point in this rant.. that I didn't want to write in the first place is... we need to be more TOLERANT!!!! Love one another!!

Yes.. I can disagree with their lifestyle... but I can still be their friend, and I can still love them unconditionally just as God loves me unconditionally. I can't cast them down for their sin until I get sin out of my life.. 

Now Gay Marriage... I'm NOT going to touch on that one. I do have my opinion... but I'm going to keep it to myself. Hopefully I won't have anyone hate me for what I've written, but just remember.

LOVE is the answer. Love everyone as God loves us. 

As my brother says " Get the log out of your eye, before you try to pull the splinter out of someone elses"

P.S. Please don't be mean to me

*end of Rant *

tattoo's, Dip, and a different look on life

It seems like God is taking all of the things around me and using them as a teaching moment. It really kind of makes me laugh because that's what I do for my kid's at school. I'm always trying to make something a moment they can learn from.

 My best example of this was a couple of months ago. I taught my elementary kids a song about making pop-corn.... pop pop pop pop popcorn.... ooooooollllllld fashioned pop corn. It really was a fun song and the kids seemed to like it. Well.. In the book where that song was there was a picture of a little girl and her dad making popcorn on a stove. So of course, I had a discussion about why her dad was there. We even asked our pretend mom or dad if it was ok to use the stove when we made our pretend pop-corn. It was great. Well.. fast forward a couple weeks... I was putting dinner in the oven and i burned the fire out of my arm. It made a HUGE red burn across  my arm. ( I still have the scar today)

Well... the day after I burned my arm, I'm sitting in class with my first grade and one of the little girls gasps and yells "What happened to your arm!!" and without missing a beat I said "Well, I was trying to put something in the oven without my parent's and sure enough I got burned" the kids all gasped.. one even said "You have parents?!?!?!" It was pretty funny, but they learned a lesson. They know that if they don't have their parents with them around a stove they can get burned. It's not a very in depth lesson but still.. It might keep some of them from getting burned. :)

Anyway.. on to the lessons I'm learning.

Since I'm a music teacher.. I listen to all types of music. Christian, Rock, pop, some rap, country.. pretty much everything. I do this for a reason. Mainly so I can talk to my kiddo's about the music they are listening to.  There have been several times I have been able to use a popular pop song to teach a lesson, or drive in a point. But that's not the kind of music I truly enjoy listening to.

Lately God has been pulling me closer and closer to Contemporary Christian Music. Not necessarily Praise and Worship Stuff.. ( Which i love also) but the more modern upbeat music. I honestly can't seem to get enough of it. I listen to the Christian station on the way to and from work, and if I'm listening to music on Pandora at home, It's on a Sanctus Real Station ( Great Band by the way)

I just can't seem to get enough.

Last week, I decided last minute ( well, God pretty much made it happen) that my best friend and I were going to go to WinterJam www.jamtour.com It's a christian concert with all different types of bands there. I have to say that it was totally awesome!!! We were on the floor, twelve rows back. It was amazing.

What's even more amazing is realizing that where we sat was exactly in God's plan. Little did I know when that concert started, it wasn't the bands that were going to leave me with a lesson learned or inspired to do more for the Glory of God, it was the people around me.

There was a young man, probably around my age, maybe a little older sitting directly in front of me. He was a very polite man, but looked nothing like the part of a person that would be at this concert. He pretty much looked like a bad"a" fella. He had his hat on backwards,baggy clothes, tattoos all over, and a dip in his mouth. Now I'm not proud of this at all, but at first glance, I judged him. I thought "I wonder what he's doing here" "He doesn't look like your normal Christian Music listener" I even thought, I bet his girlfriend made him come. But as the night went on, no one joined him. He was alone. And as the night progressed God spoke to me through him in the coolest way. This guy ( I don't know his name, but I wish I did) taught me so many things. Every time we would pray, he took his hat off, every time a new artist would come up he would be singing all of the songs, every time a speaker would talk of God and all of the things he had done for them, he would clap and rejoice for the people around him.

All of this left me speechless and feeling so ashamed of myself. How could I judge this man, I don't even know him. I wasn't judging him by thinking "Oh he's a bad person" that thought never even crossed my mind. I feel like I always give people a chance when it comes to that. But I was judging him by thinking "wow, he looks out of place"

Who am I to say he looks out of place? Is there a certain look for people who love God and praise him???  No!!  Is there a certain look for Christians?? No!There isn't. This guy taught me that. He taught me never ever to look at a person and think that they don't belong, or feel like I know what kind of person they are, or even what they like.

I guess my point is that we all tell ourselves "Oh, I don't judge people" But we do.  And for the most part, I don't judge people,  I do my BEST not to judge people. But I'm not perfect. Slowly and surely God is showing me EXACTLY how I judge people and helping me to realize it so I can change it. It's not a fun feeling at all. I just wanted to sit down and cry and apologize to that man for thinking that about him, but just as I was feeling that, one of the artists spoke about how forgiving God is and I felt like that was spoken just for me. God is forgiving, and even though I feel completely horrible for judging him, i can ask for forgiveness. I can use this as a learning point and never do it again. Never judge someone for how they look, or where the live, or what their lifestyle is.

I wish there was a way for that Guy to know what he taught me, but thats ok. I've been praying for him. And thanking God for him, for the lesson he taught me. For the lesson God taught me through him.

You know, as I look back part of me want's to say.. you know Jennifer.. it's not a big deal. It's not like you thought he was a bad person.. and it's not like you think that about everyone that looks that way.. you've got lots of friends with tattoo's and that dip, and that wear baggy clothes and you've never thought bad of them for it..... Stop being so hard on yourself... But I did judge him, and even if I haven't judged the other people around me for it, I judged him.. and that's wrong. And it's something I do not want to do again.

And this was just ONE of the people I learned lessons from that night!

There was a little girl about three rows up from me, she was probably thirteen or so, and every song that would come on she would just completely jam out. Her arms would be up in the air, she was praising God and she didn't care how she looked, who saw her, or anything. She was having a ball. I just remember looking at her thinking, I need to be like her. I mentioned at the start of this blog I'm way overly conscious of the people around me. I worry to much about what people think of me. Not this little girl. I want to be like that! I want to be praising God, Dancing doing whatever I want and looking as crazy as I want and to not care!

There was a woman probably in her late thirties to my immediate right. She was in many ways like the young girl a few rows ahead of her. She was praising God without any hesitation.  At one point in the night she looked over at me and smiled. When she did I saw that she had some sort of problem with her Left eye. It was closed. I'm not sure if she lost that eye or if she was blind, or what had happened to her. But it didn't slow her down! I remember thinking, how many times do I think poor pitiful me. How many times do I feel down on myself because of my weight, or because of my hair not looking right. These are things I can change. But this woman can't change her eye.. and it doesn't bother her a bit! She doesn't let it get in the way of Praising God.

And lastly, there was a dad and a teenage son sitting behind me. They made my heart so happy. The son was there to see a really hard Christian group named Red ( they were pretty awesome by the way!, just a little harder rock than I'm used too)  The son was so excited to see this band, When I saw the dad as the band was playing he looked a little scared..lol but He was there for his son. And his son was so happy. He even thanked his dad for bringing him. At one point I looked back and the dad kissed his son on the forehead and the son didn't care!! How cool is that!! It's so nice to see fathers being fathers! My biological father has never truly been a father to me... thats its own post in itself.. lol But it really did my heart good to see those two that night.

So I went into that concert expecting to be moved by the music I heard and I came out with so much more. A new outlook on life even. To never assume someone doesn't have a personal relationship with the Lord.  No matter what they look like, where they live, or what they have been through, and to Always praise God without ceasing. No matter whats going on, no matter whose around. Praise him as if I'm alone in a room with just me and him.

I want to be one of those people in that concert. I want to be the kind of person that people look at and say Man I want to be like her.... Look at how she's serving the Lord.

Maybe in time, with God's help I will be : D

Here is a video of one of the Bands that I saw perform. I absolutely LOVE this song. I hope you will too :)

  


 

In the spirit of Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day everyone!!

I have always loved this holiday. While i do acknowledge the fact that it is just a reason to buy things. I love the spirit of it. A special day to dote on the one you love and make them feel extra special. I especially love going to walmart the day before or the day of and seeing all the men run around like crazy trying to find a gift for their lady. I find myself wanting to go up to them, pat them on the back and tell them they are being a good husband/boyfriend but I refrain. Lol, I don't know how that would be taken if I did. They would probably run away scared mumbling something about a crazy woman :)

I feel so incredibly  blessed this valentines day to have my special valentine.  This is our ninth valentines and probably one of the best. Not because i received a special gift but because of where our relationship is. Eric and i have been together for what seems like forever,lol almost nine years. (Wow! That makes me feel old)  

It has definitely  been a good nine years. I can honestly say I can't remember  what it was like without him. :)

So on this holiday specifically about love, I ponder where should we go from here as a couple. We've been together almost a decade and are perfectly content, but how can we make things better? How can our relationship improve? Well... I think that we should focus (as everyone should) on making our marriage more Godly. Focus on becoming the Godly husband and wife that we are expected to be for one another.

Ok.. so now here's the question.. What exactly is a "Godly" Marriage.
To find my answer, I googled "Godly marriage" ok... I binged it ... But still.. Isn't that sad? I should know what the answer to that is... Yes, I know to have a Godly marriage we must put him in front of ourselves and go to him with everything, but I want more than that. I want to know specifics. I want to be the wife that God has called me to be. A woman of Christ that is the spiritual partner my husband needs.

So how do I be a Godly wife in a Godly marriage? Well, the first thing I have to remember is God instructs us to love one another as he loves us.

So what exactly is God's love? How does he love us?

Well... For starters he loves us without fail. No matter what, no matter what we do, what we say, or how we act. He is always there with open arms. Ready and willing to forgive us and accept us as we are. He doesn't put us down, he doesn't compain to others about us. He blesses us and lifts us up. He ALWAYS has our best interest at heart.  Now, do I do that with the husband? Do I accept him as he is? Do I forgive him no matter what he does? Do I try to change him and tell him how to act?  Do I complain to others about him? Do I always think of him first? Do I make myself available to him at all times? Can he talk to me about anything? Am I submitting like God instructs me to?

This is all food for thought... Something to think about.

God desires us to be like him, in every way possible. So... my goal is to (like I said before) Be the wife he desires me to be. To Show God's love to my husband. To be all that Eric needs me to be.

So How am I going to reach this goal??.

By ordering this on Amazon... and Studying and seeking God's will in my life.

Do You have any ideas on what a Godly Marriage is?
How do you show God's Love to your spouse?

Ok God.... Cheerios or Apple Jacks???

So... I  am a firm believer that life is all about choices. I live it, I believe it, I even teach it. I'm constantly trying to explain to my students.... You make the choice... to have a good day or a bad day.... you make the choice to do the right thing or the wrong thing... You make the choice to get in trouble or to get a sticker. Sometimes they understand... sometimes the don't, lol It's an ongoing lesson.

Well, Like I said I try to apply that to my life in pretty much every situation. I have been on a mission to make myself a better person. Well... really I have been trying to make myself who I want my children to be. We are wanting to start a family sometime in the near future and I want to be prepared. I believe that you should never expect anything out of your children that you can't be yourself.  So... Thus starts my refining process.

I have been slowly deciding to change things one by one...

start watching my language ... check
start cleaning up after myself more..... check
start looking for the best in everyone..... check check...
But what about the hard stuff???

Idols.  ( dun dun dun )  Not like American Idol or a celebrity "Idol"  Idols as in... Something that you place infront of  or before God.

Now when I would hear something about having no other idols before God I would always think... well I don't put anyone over God... So I'm Golden.... How could someone put a celebrity over our savior.. thats dumb... but Idols aren't always people and thats something that has been a new revelation for me. An Idol can be the coffee in the morning that you rely on to get through the day. It can be the snicker bar that calls to you after your meal. It could be the really cute pair of shoes that has occupied your brain for weeks and weeks and you just can't stop thinking about.  So once I realized that Idols come in every shape and form I started to try to seek out just what my idols were. And Boy are there a bunch of them.

1. Energy Drinks. -- I really feel as though I have become addicted to them. Not only are they bad for your health.. they are bad bad bad all around. ( for me anyway) I went through a time last school year and the beginning of this year where I would have a Monster at least every other day. I Loved it. I could have one in the morning and be good to go all day. I would even have a hard time getting to sleep at night. But it started getting to where  I didn't just want them for work days. Need to clean the house? Get a Monster.. want to stay up late and watch a movie with the hubby? How about a monster? So on and so forth.. till I finally decided I had a problem... so what comes next? The CHOICE to stop drinking them and to start relying on God for my energy. Dragging this morning? Pray about it... Want to get a certain amount of things done today? Pray about it.. Pray about it , Pray about it, PRAY ABOUT IT!!! and badabing badaboom... It Works!!! God is our source for everything. He is our provider. We need energy? He will provide. We need rest so we can have the energy? He gives us rest. Problem solved. So even though I have made the choice to do without my beloved energy drink.. ( Three months clean.. woot woot!! haha!! ) I still have to live with the bad choices that I made.... Every time I pass that gas station in the morning I think... Man it would be nice to have that extra pick me up... but what do I do??
PRAY ABOUT IT :)

2. And the very hard to admit Idol number two (Which should probably have been number one because Its probably my biggest problem)..... My cell phone. Well more specifically my iphone.
Ahhh.. technology. I still can't quite decide if the invention of the t.v, computers so on and so forth has been good for our world or set us back .....  I could probably argue both ways.. so I just try not to think about it. I Love me my iphone. Instant internet access.... unlimited games.... An app for everything imaginable .. It is great! My phone and I were just about inseparable. Where ever I was, there was my phone in my pocket or sitting quite close to me. If I had a free time.. what was I doing? Playing a game or surfing facebook... ( ahh facebook.. thats a whole other thing to be conquered, just not today ) As sad and embarrassed as I am to admit it, I even started to question why anyone else would have any other phone other than my amazing Iphone... It is the best after all. Well.. Just like every other idol. God started tugging on my heart telling me.. Jennifer... you are spending way too much time on this little gadget... and I would think.. yea... your right... but I just don't think I can get rid of it. Everytime I would go to BSF my leader would talk to us about idols and would think.. yep.. there it is.. thats my phone... and every time I would leave I would say... well... it just doesn't make a lot of sense to get rid of it... until one day.... It finally stuck. I just imagine God flicking me in the head and saying "It's about time Woman!!" Good thing he is patient. Because I certainly tried dragging my feet.
Anyway, To make a long story a little less long. I finally took the plunge and sold my iphone and God sure has blessed me and helped me to realize that it was exactly what he wanted me to do. First we decided to sell it on ebay..and it literally sold in One minute. like literally! I was so shocked. Plus! We sold it for $250 Heck yea!! AND as if all that wasn't conformation enough I called good ole' Wally World to check the price for the new phone I was going to get and it was on sale for $30 bucks!!! So now I am iphoneless and not necessarily loving it.. but pleased that I am following God's will. I still have a smart phone but I  made the CHOICE not to add all the apps to it. I am slowly but surely learning to simplify my life one step at a time. Have I conquered all my idols? No.. but I'm trying to one by one get rid of them and slowly I will succeed!!

So Whats up with the title of this ridiculously long post?

Last week during discussion group at BSF ( Get used to it, you will hear me talking about this A LOT! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Bible Study Fellowship! Not know what it is?? PLEASE Ask! I would love to tell you about it!!) It was brought up that we felt kind of silly going to God about the little things... almost as if we felt it was waisting his time. But boy is that the wrong way of thinking. God desires our interaction. He WANTS us to come to him for everything.. Even something as trivial as deciding what type of cereal to buy. He enjoys the fact that we want to please him and have a personal relationship with him. I mean imagine the depth of that relationship. If you are going to him about cereal.. then of course your going to him with all of the important and Big stuff!

So the CHOICE that i am deciding to make today... to Go to God for EVERYTHING. Even the small stuff.

He is my provider and WILL provide everything.

My Challenge for you?? Start looking for your idols... It's a painful process but so totally worth the blessings it brings :)