Well, As some of you saw a couple days ago, I posted about a chance to make things right with my biological father. Here is the story in a little more detail...
Last saturday night I got a phone call about 11:30 pm.. I was laying on the couch watching a movie with Eric and when I finally got off the couch and picked up the phone it had already gone to voicemail.
When I saw who it was that called I realized that it was an 1-866 number and I thought hmm... thats weird.. so I waited for the little "ding" of my voicemail and listened to see who it was.
I heard " if you accept this call press 1" and then it shut off.. I thought Oh great.. It's my dad...
Now for the back story on all this...
My dad and I have never really had a good relationship. We have led seperate lives for the majority of my life. When my mom was pregnant with me, he left her for another woman and it was all down-hill from there. When I was younger he would try to bully my mother and I around, but for the most part he did his thing, I did mine. I had some contact with him, but to be honest.. most of it was not good. My main memories of him consist of him either being drunk or being verbally abusive.
All of that past behind us.. fast forward to the last year or so.. After a very very long time of trying to please my father and trying to have a relationship with him and failing miserably.. a good friend of mine finally set me down and told me his story with his mother (which has it's resemblences) and he finally made me realize that I had to do what was right for me. I had tried and tried to be a good daughter but I couldn't do what he wouldn't let me do. So from that point on I did whatever I felt was the right thing and if he didn't accept it, or like it .. I just lived with it.
Last October while I was at the state fair with Eric and his family.. my father called me and told me that he was going to jail for racketeering. He explained that his house had been raided and it was just a matter of time before he would be put into jail. I wish I could say that I was suprised.. but I really wasn't.
My dad has been involved in things that I can't even imagine .. since before I came around.. but I never wanted to know any of it.. and he was never forth coming about it so It worked. As they say .. ignorance is bliss.
To make a long story short... I have talked to him on and off since that October evening and he told me pretty much every time we spoke that he didn't think he was going to have to do the jail time. I think it was because he was cooperating with the police on several different things, but for the most part he thought he would be fine.
Well.. fast forward to June.. I tried calling him on fathers day... no answer... I tried calling him in July on his birthday... no answer.. I tried calling him on my birthday.. no answer.. I even tried to figure out a way to get ahold of my uncle to find out if he was ok.. but his number was unlisted.. So I just kind of had to wait. I had my suspicions of whether or not he was locked up but I never really knew for sure. Periodically I would even check the court records to see if I could find something... but then again It wasn't unlike him to just not answer my phone calls so I just figured when he wanted to talk to me.. he would call.
Then Saturday night happened ... As soon as I heard the voicemail I put Eric to work trying to figure out where the call came from... we finally figured out it was an inmate calling service that was from the Oklahoma County Jail. So I did a little digging and sure enough .. there he was.. mug shot and all.. he had been booked in May.
Immediately my heart sank. I was reduced to tears... my dad's mug shot just broke my heart. He looked like a sad, lonely, old man. It makes me tear up every time I think about it. I know that he became that sad, lonely man because of his actions and the way he treated others.. but I just couldn't bare the thought of him being there for three months and not hearing from me.
That night, while looking at that picture,God touched my heart in a truely amazing way... I knew that my father and I had a sketchy past.. but to be honest, I didn't care. I dont care.. not anymore.. I see the bigger picture.
I don't care how he treated me.. I don't care all that he is done, I don't care that he is in jail or that he broke the law.. I just care that I see a lost soul with no one to guide him.
Now, as i said earlier, I can't argue with the fact that his actions got him into the mess he is in, and he knew full well that his choices would end him up in jail... but he's my father and he is just what I said.. a sad, lonely, man. But you know what? That doesn't mean that there is no hope for him.
That night I wrote out a long letter to him explaining to him how I found out about him being in jail, I explained to him that as soon as I could I would come see him. I told him how much I loved him and that I would see him soon.
Well.. Today was the day.. and I am so blessed to say it was amazing. Now.. the being pat down part was not so great, but the conversation I was able to have with my daddy was such a Godsend.
We chatted for a while about what had happened and when his court dates were and finally I asked him if he had been praying about his situation. I have never talked to my father about being a Christian in my life.. so it was a scary topic to bring up.. but it was so wonderful. I got the chance to talk to him about God's forgiveness and God's Mercy. At one point he looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me how ashamed he was. And by the Grace of God I somehow was able to look at him and say " you know what.. you don't have to be. God loves you and he doesn't care what you have done" " He will take care of you if you will just go to him and ask him for help." I explained to him that his sin was no different than mine and that his being ashamed was simply a tool satan was using to keep him from peace. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God was there giving me the words that he needed to hear.
I am still amazed typing this... I don't usually have this type of courage.. If you read my blogs regularly you will see, I have such a hard time opening up to strangers.. and to be honest, thats what my dad is.. a stranger.
But not anymore!!! I recognize this gift I have been given and I have been writing him regularly. I just wrote a letter to him to be sent out on Monday.
God is just so amazingly good. I can only pray that this relationship will continue to grow and he can have the chance to become the daddy I always wanted :)
And if thats not the case... I still know in my heart that I did all that I could to help him, to show him God's love and to try to lead him in a positive direction. It is up to him now to make the life changing choice to come to Christ.
But even if his mind hasn't been changed today (which it most likely hasn't been) I am committed to this. I'm committed to sharing God's love with him.
As I said, I am truely blessed to be on this journey with him and hope to have good news to share with you soon!
Please keep us in your prayers.
To God be the Glory, Great things he hath done!!!
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